A Grand Slam for Those with Butt Sweat and Big Mouths

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A Grand Slam for Those with Butt Sweat and Big Mouths
How SwampButt Underwear is Changing Things at the Ballpark
May 30, 2017 (Lake Jackson, TX.) — Batter up! The competitive spirit of dad’s who live vicariously through their son’s youth baseball exploits is one of the strongest powers in the world. And few things create an annoying case of swamp butt faster than sitting on a metal bench in the heat of the day. So when those forces meet it’s a battle for supremacy. Check out the web site at www.swampbutt.com.

Former major league pitcher Mitch Williams confronts an umpire at his son's game. No SwampButt for him!
Former major league pitcher Mitch Williams confronts an umpire at his son’s game. No SwampButt for him!

“It’s a tale as old as time,” said noted heckler and SwampButt Underwear spokesman Nick Heraldson. “A father is watching his son’s game and the umpire misses yet another call. This will not stand. This cannot stand.” But the father cannot stand either because he has a nasty case of swamp butt. Instead of rushing to the fence and giving the ump the cursing of a lifetime for daring to squeeze the strike zone on his kid, he and other dad’s like him, have to stay seated because of their fear of visible butt sweat.
Balking at Visible Butt Sweat
Lucky for all those afflicted with butt sweat issues there’s SwampButt Underwear – the underwear for hot people. SwampButt Underwear wicks away moisture (sweat) and allows it to evaporate before things get embarrassing. SwampButt Underwear is available at www.swampbutt.com.
“We can’t condone yelling at umpires during youth baseball games because most likely those umps are dealing with their own butt sweat problems too,” said Heraldson. “But if you’re going to do it then SwampButt Underwear is here to make sure that you can do it without embarrassing yourself; well at least not embarrassing yourself because you have visible butt sweat.”
The material in SwampButt Underwear is made to draw sweat away from the skin. This is known as “wicking.” In addition to wicking, SwampButt Underwear allows for greater air flow under and around the fabric, which permits sweat to evaporate quicker than traditionally made underwear. SwampButt Underwear garments are manufactured to exact specifications and are unique in the world of underpants or at least in parts of the world where underpants are worn.
Confidence is No Sweat Thanks to SwampButt Underwear
New SwampButt Underwear users are already reacting differently to questionable calls.
“Last year an umpire totally blew it at third base and wrongly called my nine-year-old son out in front of what I assume was at least six major league scouts,” said a father that wished to remain anonymous. “It was a ridiculous call and that ump deserved to know what an idiot he was. But it was a hot day and I didn’t want to show the group of moms behind me how much butt sweat was visible through my shorts. So I just booed while seated. It was so frustrating. But now thanks to Swampbutt Underwear I’m able to stand with confidence and tell those umpires that they suck. Thanks SwampButt!”
Spouses of hecklers are also seeing dynamic changes thanks to SwampButt Underwear.
“Last year there would be a bad call and my husband would keep his sweaty backside glued to the bleachers because he was afraid that some of the more attractive moms would giggle at his butt sweat,” said the wife of a jeerer who did not wish to be identified. “He would say some half-assed insult that only I could hear. It was pathetic. But not anymore.”
Now if an ump misses a call, men all across the fruited plain are up on their feet giving teen aged volunteers or other players’ parents all they can handle. “He saunters around now like he’s the cock of the walk,” wife of sweaty dad went on. “Before SwampButt Underwear he was the cock of nothing.”
Heraldson and the company’s banker are pleased that SwampButt Underwear is helping so many with the terrible affliction of swampbutt.“SwampButt Underwear can’t help you with your anger issues,” said Heraldson. “But we can make those people with anger issues more comfortable.”
For more information read also: https://swampbutt.com/testimonial_trusted/how-swampbutt-underwear-changed-my-life-for-the-better/