Citations for Visible Butt Sweat Issued to Violators

Visitors to the SwampButt Underwear Facebook page often tag their friends, relatives, coworkers, neighbors and others whom they believe would benefit from SwampButt Underwear. Now the process is formalized with art, forms to fill out, and other stuff to make it seem real by giving the offending person a ‘ticket’ for their Swamp Butt. The electronic file is a more demonstrable way to get through to even the dullest among us and tell them in no uncertain terms; you’ve got swamp butt. It is a jpeg file that need only be copied and posted, printed or even mailed through the postal system to the offender.

Posted on the company’s web site and other social media, those with boggy bottoms need not simply slog through life, carrying their off-putting wetness behind them; because now there is hope. With the ticket for wetness issued, it is possible for these soaking sweat-hogs to leave footprints in the sands of time and not a drippy trail.

When it comes to butt sweat, there are a few things you should avoid doing at all costs.

Wear your leather hot pants

Your pants are just as important as your underwear when it comes to butt sweat. Avoid wearing non-breathable pants made from leather or synthetic fabrics, such as polyester. Even if you’re wearing breathable undies, thick, unbreathable pants can make it hard for sweat to evaporate.

Apply deodorant to your butt

Tons of people use deodorant to combat armpit sweat, so you might be tempted to try it between your cheeks. But deodorant usually contains heavy fragrance to help combat the smell produced by apocrine glands under your arms. The chemicals in these fragrances can irritate the delicate skin of your derrière, leading to more discomfort.

Wait to take off wet swimsuit bottoms

Butt sweat tends to be a bigger problem in warmer weather. This also happens to be the time of year when you’re most likely to be swimming. When you combine butt sweat with soggy swimsuit bottoms, you have a perfect recipe for a fungal infection or uncomfortable rash.

When to see a doctor

Everyone sweats. But for some people, excessive sweating may be a sign of an underlying condition. This type of sweating is known as hyperhidrosis. It doesn’t always have a clear cause, and some experts think there might be a genetic component.

In other cases, butt sweat can lead to a skin infection or rash requiring treatment.

Underlying conditions

Certain medical conditions can also cause hyperhidrosis, including:

thyroid problems
diabetes
hot flashes caused by menopause
infections
nervous system disorders
certain types of cancer

But if one of these conditions is causing your sweating, you’ll likely notice some other symptoms as well.

Follow up with a doctor if you notice any of the following:

sweating and unexplained weight loss
sweating that occurs mostly while you sleep (night sweats)
sweating that is accompanied by chest pain or pressure
sweating that occurs with a fever, shortness of breath, fast heart rate, and chest pain
persistent, unexplained sweating

Skin infections

Excessive sweating can also cause skin maceration, which increases your risk of developing an infection.

Tell your doctor if you notice any signs of a skin infection, such as:

redness
warmth
swelling
pain

The (sweaty) bottom line

Butt sweat happens to everyone, but making a few tweaks to your daily routine can help you keep it under control. Focus on keeping the area as cool and dry as possible, and give your bum a chance to air out whenever you can.