College Football Is Great Except For All the Complaining

The face of complaining
If complainers ever had a mascot this is her, Debbie Downer. College football needs SwampButt Underwear, not negative musings.


How To Manage Manic Negative Musings …

College Football Fans Sites A Draw For Frequent Complainers, Trolls, And Malcontents

College Football is great except for all the complaining. Sports help bring people together and no sport can do it like college football. A year after lockdowns, fear of the unknown, fan free venues, abbreviated schedules, and Alabama, returning to campus for 60 minutes of football was the reprieve we all wanted.

Competition, bands, cheerleaders, mascots, tv timeouts and access to alcoholic beverages were a balm to soothe the soul of graduates, students and tee-shirt fans gathered and united in their collective disdain for the other schools’ graduates, students, and tee-shirt fans. But then something happened to an infinitesimal percentage of the population. The trolls found their voice and people who would listen.

Trolls Transformed

Trolls were transformed, and legitimized. Like a perverted ugly duckling that, instead of a swan, evolved into an even uglier, bigger attention starved duck-troll-hybrid.  ‘It’s not a coincidence that sites like ‘Message Board Geniuses,’ ‘Twitter,’ or ‘Outkick’ found a firm footing planted on up the backsides of people who had access to the Internet and way more time than brains,” said social commentator and professor of irony, Dr. Jennifer Hyphen-Dash. “Most of their complaints are about slight annoyances or minor inconveniences taken to a level usually reserved for hostage-rescue situations. I mean, lighten-up Francis.”

Asked if the irony she was commenting on an article that complained about complainers, Hyphen-Dash responded, “not at all, I teach this kind of nonsense.”

I know we won but….

These are actual complaints taken from college football message boards and social media sites.

  • There was no cheese on my nachos,
  • Not enough ice in my drink and the ice was not cold enough,
  • I had to wait in line for concessions and missed part of the game,
  • I know we won, but I did not like that the game was so close,
  • The restrooms were really smelly and are not air conditioned,
  • I know we won, but I did not like what the coach did or did not do,
  • I know we won, but I did not like what the quarterback did or did not do,
  • (After a brand-new stadium is built for tens of millions) I miss our old stadium,
  • The stadium sponsors should change the name of their enterprise to something else that doesn’t have letters of a rival school (referring to TDECU stadium where Houston plays against East Carolina University or ECU every four years),
  • Tailgates should not be commercial or involve sponsors who are only there to promote something for money,
  • There was nowhere for my wife to breast feed,
  • There were not enough vegan items on the menu,
  • I know we won, but we should have won by more than we did,
  • I know we won but our schedule is so weak. How come we don’t play Notre Dame or Alabama?
  • I know we won, but it was a bad win,
  • I know we won the __th game in a row, but we should scrap this offense,
  • They build a new stadium but the water gets inside, they don’t have a rooftop either,
  • If they would’ve had a rooftop and give us rain ponchos, I’m pretty sure people would’ve stayed,
  • My 8-year-old goes to bed between 8pm- 9pm and wasn’t having a good time at the stadium so we left,
  • I like to watch us beat top ranked opponents.

But Why?

According to the Internet, chronic complainers often seem to have negative feelings about themselves and complaining about their circumstances or other people makes them feel more important. “Complainers want attention,” Hyphen-Dash said. “Sure, they could put their energy to use for a more constructive outcome that would serve to benefit others instead of just whining. But that’s a lot of work.”

Obsessive Complaining Disorder

Obsessive-complaining disorder (OCD) is one which is characterized by an endless dwelling on the negative. People with OCD may not be aware of how their protests, criticisms, grumbling or nit picking can affect the attitudes and enthusiasm levels of those around them. “I thought OCD was Obsessive Compulsive Disorder,” Hyphen-Dash said. “Man is this confusing.”

What To Do

There are several alternatives available. “One is to stop reading message boards,” Hyphen-Dash suggested. “The other is to do what people have done on the Internet for centuries and that is to resist the urge to respond. Don’t feed the trolls.”

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