College Football is back for the 2018 season.
And this time it’s personal as in personal hygiene.
Even in the northern parts of the USA, it is still summer on the calendar and according to the thermometer. Fans at the Notre Dame vs. Michigan game will be stuck to the aluminum bleachers like barnacles on a tanker unless they wear underwear made for occasions when the heat is on, for four hours of a football game. SwampButt Underwear™ (www.swampbutt.com) is made for hot sweaty days like this one.
“Like all Americans and some Canadians, we’re very excited about the start of college football season,” said SwampButt Underwear spokesperson Nick Heraldson. “But we’re not thrilled about being in the hot sun watching the nickel package get toasted again and again accompanied by the steady drip, drip, drip of butt sweat.” SwampButt Underwear can’t cover slot receivers, call audibles or adjust out of a blitz when a screen pass is called, but it can help your package remain relatively dry. “There are more ways to win than just outscoring your opponent, you know,” Heraldson confided. “And few of us will ‘score’ if their lady friend has to help peel them off that recycled lawn chair of a bleacher seat.”
Keys to the Game for the Irish
- “Those College Game Day guys will never believe where I hid my sign.”
- “Why can’t our special jerseys look like the Houston Astros’ rainbow uniforms.”
- “I can’t wait to throw up on the same exact spot my father and his father before him puked on. I love our traditions.”
- “Man, I just hope Jim Harbaugh keeps his shirt on during the game. That would be hard to un-see.”
- “Yeah, some beer is hydrating.”
Keys to the Game for the Wolverines
- “Check out these shoes I just got from one of their guys.”
- “Do you think if I needed to I could take the leprechaun?”
- “Let’s check Brett McMurphy’s Twitter account again.”
- What’s that town here in Michigan that’s got all that Christmas stuff? We can go streaking there!”
Solid Rational Football Stuff
According to the research and development department (R&D) at SwampButt Underwear, almost everyone has a butt and most people with butts also wear underwear. Whether fans have tickets to the game or plan to watch it on TV at some point this weekend fans will suffer swamp butt. “This is a well-known, scientific fact,” Heraldson said. “It’s science; ask any scientician, they’ll tell you!”
Who Should Wear SwampButt Underwear?
The people who wear SwampButt Underwear participate in all types of activities, including
- attending college football games,
- betting on college football games and,
- letting their happiness be impacted by the collective performance of a group of students participating in a college football game.
SwampButt Underwear people are also into: playing and watching golf, tennis, cricket, running, fishing, baseball, football, rugby, basketball, hunting, camping, volleyball, hiking, softball, jai alai, dice, cornhole, poker, bowling, lawn darts, three legged races, Pokemon, horseshoes, pitching washers, jacks, tidily winks, night putting, cow chip tossing, and many other sports and leisure activities. And most of those people sweat a lot – especially around their butts.
“No matter if you are watching or playing sports chances are you’re going to sweat,” said Heraldson. “SwampButt Underwear can help you not embarrass yourself; well at least not embarrass yourself because you have visible butt sweat. We can’t prevent you from being such a jackass during the big game that your fiancée calls off the wedding. But we can help you feel dry while doing it.”
About SwampButt Underwear
Men’s Performance SwampButt Underwear is perfect for the guy who has sweat issues south of the belt or just likes to be comfortable. These incredible drawers were created to draw sweat away from the skin and are made with 91% polyester and 9% spandex.
- Form fitting with natural coverage
- Wicks away moisture for improved wear-ability
- Quick drying
- Extends to mid-thigh
- Great strength and resilience
- Signature logo on waistband
- Machine wash and dry
SwampButt Underwear is specifically formulated to help fight the affliction known as swamp butt. The specially formulated underwear works through the magic of wicking, which is the way moisture travels across a large area of fabric. The further the sweat disperses across the surface the faster it can evaporate, and that comes in pretty handy on a hot day. SwampButt Underwear performance undergarments are made from lycra and polyester fibers and constructed to fit snugly so that sweat evaporates like water on heated skillet. Fans In The Stands You Are Going To Get Sweaty.
SwampButt Underwear™ is a registered trademark in the USA and other countries. We paid a lot for it so please do not use it without permission.