What kind of question is that? That’s some nerve you’ve got. SwampButt Underwear™ is a real business. SwampButt Underwear is owned by real people, well-rounded people, who have their own pets, cars and memberships in many fan clubs. And these are all the questions we have been asked to frequently answer. Like a lot of times. SwampButt Underwear FAQ
The children of the owners will not go to college, have nice weddings, clothes, food, or school supplies. The houses they live in will be foreclosed on. And their pets will be in shelters.Bankers will live where there families did while they live under bridges. And life under a bridge sucks real hard; you can’t even get mail.
No happy ending there, not for anyone. So for the love of Gawd, buy something.
The material in SwampButt Underwear is made to draw sweat away from the skin. This is known as wicking. In addition to wicking, our underwear allows for greater air flow under and around the fabric, which allows sweat to evaporate quicker than traditionally made underwear.
These garments are manufactured to our specifications and are unique in the world of underpants or in parts of the world where underpants are worn.
It is a complete and absolute overstatement because we never claimed to cure anything. But we’ll fight like hell against the scourge of swampbutt. You won’t moisten that chair or stick to the fake leather any more.
Just like your favorite team in the big game, our underwear has moxie and heart and is willing to give 110 percent. Go (insert favorite team)!
There was no stealing. Uncle Horatio and his lovely wife Praline adore us. They were ecstatic that we had joined them in the fight against the grim affliction known as swampbutt.
For centuries his family was excluded from society because of this debilitating condition, sitting in puddles of their own making and often thought incontinent. But now thanks to this amazing underwear we are finally winning. And we are all pleased to share these miraculous drawers with fine people such as yourself. The days of adult diaper rash will soon be behind you.
One of our friends sweats a lot … like as much as three fat guys on the 4th of July in the middle of a forest fire. And it’s a wet stink. He makes noise when he walks and is always picking his pants out of his butt-crack. SwampButt Underwear FAQ
Finally, we had enough, so we decided to help him out. And luckily Uncle Horatio, an old family friend, had already done a ton of research, so we leveraged his hard work. And now we’re helping everyone who suffers from the terrible affliction of swampbutt. So hurry up and buy something!
SwampButt Underwear is specifically formulated to help fight against the grim affliction known as butt sweat, or simply swampbutt. And SwampButt Underwear is now available to the public. We also sell T-shirts that are similarly engineered. Is that real enough for you, smart guy?