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Not available in stores, this scientifically designed garment not only provides faster drying for men who sweat more than the average person, the fibers contain silver ‘chelants’ that capture and eradicate the bad odors that accompany a sweaty backside. “We describe bad odors associated with a sweaty backside as just stank,” said SwampButt Underwear spokesman and economy of words master Nick Heraldson. “It is not necessary to know what a chelant is and mining underwear for silver is a waste of time because I tried it and it doesn’t work.
Having a sweaty butt is probably the least sexy condition of all. A sweaty butt is not just annoying and embarrassing, but it can also cause rashes and odor. If you discover skin irritations after a bout of sweaty butt, the excess moisture may be at fault. Take the necessary steps to reduce moisture around the affected area.
The reasons why may be partially related to the density of sweat glands and the endocrine glands in those specific locations. Worse yet, a constantly sweaty crack can cause a domino effect of anal issues, and yes, that’s as bad as it sounds. Sweat trapped between the butt cheeks allows for an overgrowth of bacteria and yeast, which can eventually lead to a bad case of what dermatologists call pruritus ani, or intense anal itching. Eek!
A friend’s excessive ass-piration can leave more than salty stains on pants; it can lead to a lot of embarrassment. He might even experience social anxiety, preventing him from doing things he’d otherwise enjoy.
Another nasty side effect: potentially developing skin conditions like fungal infections, itch around their groin area or skin in their butt area getting inflamed due to moisture, friction and/or lack of air circulation (medically called intertrigo). Having chronic moisture, especially in the buttocks or groin area, probably predisposes men to other skin conditions as well. Excessive sweating can cause severe problems that requires a dermatologist’s attention, whether it’s for no apparent reason or due to an underlying medical condition that’s actually causing the sweating.
Not an insignificant percentage of men experience such excessive sweating that it’s visible to other people and causes emotional stress, and those are the folks who might seek out treatment.
Prescription aluminum chloride is a salt solution used as an antiperspirant all the time, but can cause a rash. It’s a tough area to use prescription antiperspirants; some try it and the problem is it can be a little too irritating. Wear moisture-wicking fabrics and let sweat evaporate. There’s a lot of frictional heat caused by your butt cheeks rubbing together.
Science isn’t exactly sure why that is, but there’s certainly not much ventilation, and there’s a lot of frictional heat caused by your butt cheeks rubbing together. It doesn’t help that the sweat glands located in the perineal area, known as apocrine glands, also produce a thicker (and stinkier) perspiration.
Did we mention that shipping was free? Well it is. At least through Christmas of 2021.
About SwampButt Underwear
SwampButt Underwear is a real company with real people running it. It is located 50 miles south of downtown Houston, Texas. The only advantage it has are the clever name and satirical news writing style of one of the owners who promises that everything presented here as satire was ‘funny when he wrote it.’