If The Houston Astros Win the World Series Your Orange SwampButt Underwear Are Free
The odds are in your favor!
The Houston Astros are the most dominant team in baseball six years running.
The Houston Astros are perfect in the American League playoffs at this writing. Up 3-0 against the New York Yankees, the Astros seem like a lock to play in the fall classic. If the Houston Astros win the World Series in 2022, SwampButt Underwear will refund the full purchase price of any pair of orange SwampButt Underwear sold starting October 22, 2022 through Saturday November 5, 2022. Was this promotion an original idea? No.
It is based on another Houston area business who makes the same offer, but for major purchases like furniture and expensive beds, Gallery Furniture. “We were pretty much out of original ideas, so we looked for someone to copy,” said SwampButt Underwear corporate spokesman and man who has never written a single thank-you note, Nick Heraldson. “MacInvale is a clever business man plus a very generous and admired figure in the Houston area. We thought of others to emulate like Bill Gates, or Robert Kraft. But they both suck, so we picked ‘Mattress Mac’. He’s awesome.”
Cost and Benefit
SwampButt Underwear costs $24.99 a pair plus shipping. A Tempur-Pedic Mattress can cost from approximately $2,000.00 – $7,000.00. The offer from SwampButt Underwear does not compare to the dollar amount from Gallery Furniture. But the value and benefit SwampButt Underwear delivers is significant nonetheless.
What About the Yankees?
When asked about a similar offer if the New York Yankees won the World Series, Heraldson seemed bemused. “Seriously? The Bronx Bombers are duds this year though they have bombed three straight times against the Astros,” Heraldson commented. “Besides, the word yankees is triggering in this part of the country so we try not to say it.”
Stains Plus Health and Medical Challenges
Visible butt sweat is unsightly. It can stain upholstery, leather, and cloth seats. A wet butt crack can also lead to infections. Makers of SwampButt Underwear named this particular affliction ‘swamp-chafe’ because of the place on an individual’s body it occurs (the human butt) and the hot weather that is present down there all day every day.
The material in SwampButt Underwear is made to draw sweat away from the skin. This is known as wicking. In addition to wicking, SwampButt Underwear allows for greater air flow under and around the fabric, which allows sweat to evaporate quicker than traditionally made underwear.
These garments are manufactured to particular specifications and are unique in the world of underpants or in parts of the world where underpants are worn.
Imitation is the Sincerest Form of Flattery
Gallery Furniture has previously held promotions in which customers would get their furniture free of charge if a Houston team wins a championship.
SwampButt Underwear New Green Deal Is Great 2 Pairs for 1 Lower PriceSwampButt Underwear Made In The USA“Houston is not exactly a championship city, so a promotion like this is rare for Houstonians,” Heraldson said. “When you purchase a Tempur-Pedic, Stearns & Foster or Sealy mattress sleep set priced at $3,000 or more, and if the Houston Astros win it all in the 2022 final championship series, your purchase is FREE,!”according to Gallery Furniture’s website.
Why Do Humans Sweat?
Sweating is your body’s way of cooling down. It is also another way to excrete waste. Some people sweat a lot when they are spending time in the outdoors, exercising inside, outside, or engaged in some type of exertion. Others sweat when frightened while others sweat for no good reason. Others live in a climate where it is hot and humid all the time.
Excessive Sweating and Isolation
At SwampButt Underwear we try to put a brave face on excessive butt sweat. Sort of like smiling through the tears we poke fun at ourselves because of the ‘butt prints’ we leave along life’s trail.
The truth is that excessive sweating, from the butt or other body parts, can cause enough distress that people withdraw from any activity that might expose them and their sweaty parts to any level of public scrutiny.
Think this kind of thing was over in junior high school? Think again. It does not take much for the ‘herd’ to spot a potential weakness and exploit it. Sweat stains can be the invitation to not getting invited anywhere.
People who sweat more than others report feelings of social isolation and withdrawal to avoid touching others. Those ‘others’ are also thought to avoid men who are moist beyond reason. What do people think when encountering someone who is REALLY sweaty? We are not mind readers, so we researched the question.
Sweat and the amounts one experiences it relate to social anxiety and conditions that accompany it. The more a man sweats, the impact on quality of life becomes much more substantial. Excess sweating can have a huge impact on quality of life, affecting career choices and in some instances lead to social isolation. Some change their clothes several times a day.
Men who sweat more than others often have apprehension in work situations like job interviews or meetings where they might be expected to shake hands or will leave a sweaty butt print on an office chair. Social lives suffer when men feel embarrassed by their surplus sweating.
Put Romance On Hold
Some avoid romantic relationships because they are sweaty. Men will avoid situations where a woman is likely to reject them for any reason. Presented as a big sweaty mess does little to reinforce self-confidence. Not taking chances in public is way easier than gambling on potential humiliation. Staying in and away from others is way easier.
It Is Not the Worst Thing
Of course an abnormally sweatier backside is not the worst thing that can happen. Botched surgery is one example of something worse than a constant stream of butt sweat. Being eaten by bears, is also bad and worse all at once.
SwampButt Underwear is based near Houston, Texas. It’s in a great town, but you’ve probably never heard of it. It’s surrounded by swampland with the Gulf of Mexico just south, with some really nice people. We’ve got a Starbucks and some nice Tex-Mex restaurants. And a place that has 99 beers on tap.
SwampButt Underwear does not have the kind of deep pockets Jim “Matress Mac” McIngvale does but it does offer a product that helps solve a real problem, visible butt sweat.