It’s Fall 2022 Because We Said It Is!
With Starbucks introducing it’s fall themed pumpkin spice flavor August 30, 2022, SwampButt Underwear is also starting a sale.
August 30, 2022 – Fall has officially arrived. The calendar and thermometer both say, ‘it’s not fall.’ But when does fall really start? Are cooler temperatures a signal for fall? Leaves turning color? The fall harvest? No, no and no. We know it is fall because a popular beverage company declares it so. No one at SwampButt Underwear is prepared to argue about this but they are prepared to (in the name of making a buck) jump on the ‘it’s fall because we say so’ bandwagon.
Jump Onboard the Bandwagon
So if Starbucks can declare ‘fall’ by selling it’s Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte or Pumpkin Cream Cold Brew or Dunkin’ can start selling theirs one day in advance, SwampButt Underwear can and will do likewise.
The SwampButt Underwear Fall 2022 Sale
Starting August 30, online shoppers can get a pair of black and another pair of orange SwampButt Made in the USA Brand Underwear for one low price, $39.99. Bought separately the cost is $49.98, so it’s a really good value. “There is no way it’s fall, not with temperatures in the 90’s and humidity sky high,” said SwampButt Underwear corporate shill, Nick Heraldson. “We are doing a public service for those who are drinking a really hot beverage on a toasty afternoon. Do this and you are going to get sweaty. That is why you will need SwampButt Underwear.”
Reality is an Alien Concept
Tailgate menus include sunscreen and public service messages about how to avoid dehydration and sunstroke are juxtaposed against jack-o-lanterns. These serve notice that reality is no longer a concept with which to deal or even acknowledge. A post from the Starbucks Instagram account reinforces the ‘it’s fall because we said’ concept.
While summer is not nearly over casual observers, shade tree meteorologists and opinionated bigmouths are already saying this is the hottest summer ever. It is true that parts of Texas and the Deep South have had their hottest start to summer. With August expected to start after July, 2022 could be a record-setter for some. Could be. “We are accustomed to the heat of Texas in July, and the last week of July is typically the hottest,” said corporate spokesman and man who grasps the obvious, Nick Heraldson.
About SwampButt Underwear
SwampButt Made in the USA Brand Underwear performance undergarments are made from a blend of lycra and polyester fibers. How the undergarment works and what it is made of are related. First, there is the phenomena of ‘wicking’ which is the way moisture travels across a larger area of fabric. The more and further moisture (in this case sweat) can disperse across a surface, the faster it can evaporate. Imagine a squeegee pulling water across a windshield. When spread to a larger surface are, the water on the windshield evaporates faster. Or push rainwater across a driveway or parking lot into a larger surface area and it also evaporates faster. The same thing happens with SwampButt Underwear. Sweat wicks across a larger area and evaporates faster because of this. The rate of wicking is related to the materials and the way sweat spreads across them. Polyester fibers are hydrophobic because they are really plastic and will not absorb moisture.
Want to learn more? Visit https://swampbutt.com.