- On November 16, 2018
SwampButt Underwear You’re Gonna Get Sweaty Series – College Football Week 12
Like Snorting Cocaine Off A Stripper, These Are The Days Of Our College Football Lives
Lake Jackson, Texas – November 16, 2018 – The off field and sideline antics of college coaches and players threaten to take away and distract us from the action on the field. (What are we saying, ‘threaten to’?). Suddenly it is already Week 12 of the college football season. The days are short, the night games long and SwampButt Underwear™ (www.swampbutt.com) knows what you’re thinking:
- His buyout is how much?
- All those teams can’t lose even though I really want them to …
- Where’s the Petrino after party going to be?
- Why can’t Ed Oliver wear his own coat to the game?
- Is Zak Smith or Tom Herman the bigger tool?
- So that’s what happened to Les Miles.
“It’s early November and despite your best arguments you know exactly where your team stands,” said SwampButt Underwear spokesperson Nick Heraldson. “And it probably ain’t good. Face it your favorite team is average at best. A 6-6 record for a bowl bid is a pretty low bar to get over, but you’ve got two more games! To feel better, you should buy a lot of underwear off the Internet or go straight to www.swampbutt.com. …”
Temperatures are expected to be 40s and 50s this weekend. But as any jogger or deer hunter will tell you, it still gets
sweaty south of the border. Fans in the stands can expect their game day experience to be a wet, smelly mess even in the cooler temperatures. SwampButt Underwear is made for these sweaty times. Whether you’re arguing with the coach about which coat to wear, taking recruiting visits at a strip club, or explaining to you wife’s lawyer about ‘the accident’, SwampButt Underwear is a solid and sweat free foundation regardless of the activity.
Games People Play
Who? at SEC: Genius scheduling again! Aggies on upset alert.
Ohio State at Maryland: Urban probably called Tom Herman to get the scoop on the Terps. Take the Buckeyes; Urban never listens to Tom!
Penn State at Rutgers: If you plan on watching this game then you should probably think about your life choices, what went wrong and how. Go volunteer somewhere instead. Or get drunk and watch The Golden Girls.
Syracuse at Notre Dame: On one hand Fighting Irish fans are obnoxious idiots. On the other hand, a Syracuse loss would make a lot of media members sad or happy. ‘Cuse lost to Clemson by one pass. Go Orange.
Iowa State at Texas: The Longhorn Network is showing this game which guarantees no one will see it. Which makes us wonder, when do they plan to show the National Championship game with Vince Young for the 12thtime this week if an actual game is shown, live?
West Virginia at Oklahoma State: Take the Mountaineers. Gundy is now a Zen Master and social commentator. He has no time for your so called ‘foot ball’ and he is a snowflake and not a snowflake all of the time (If there’s a bad joke about Zen beliefs, I haven’t heard it).
Get Out of My Dreams, Get Into My SwampButt Underwear
The SwampButt Underwear research and development department recently confirmed that almost everyone has a butt. And a lot of those same people with butts wear underwear. And on hot days those butts sweat.
SwampButt Underwear is specifically formulated to help fight the grim affliction known as swampbutt. Our specially formulated drawers work through the magic of wicking, which is the way moisture travels across a large area of fabric. The further the sweat disperses across the surface the faster it can evaporate. And that’s pretty handy on a hot or cold day.
Who Should Wear SwampButt Underwear
We at SwampButt Underwear don’t know a lot about football, but we do know a lot about sweat. The kind you get sitting in the stands, walking to the stadium or running from the other team’s fans after you point to the scoreboard and yell something about a tryst between their mothers and the mascot. Each activity is going to give you a sweaty backside. And we can help.
The people who wear our underwear participate in all types of activities, including:
- attending college football games
- betting on college football games
- letting their happiness be directly impacted by the collective performance of a group of students participating in a college football game
- golf, tennis, cricket, running, tailgating, fishing, baseball, football, rugby, basketball, hunting, camping, darts, volleyball, Uno, hiking, softball, washers, dice, cornhole, poker and bowling
- many other sports and leisure activities
And most of those people sweat a lot – especially around their butts.
“SwampButt Underwear can help you not embarrass yourself with sweat issues whether you are watching or playing sports,” said Heraldson. “We can’t help you with your need for your college football team to be better, but we can help you be comfortable doing it.”
About SwampButt Underwear
Men’s Performance SwampButt Underwear is perfect for the guy who has sweat issues south of the belt or just likes to be comfortable. These incredible drawers were created to draw sweat away from the skin and are made with 91% polyester and 9% spandex.
- Form fitting with natural coverage
- Wicks away moisture for improved wear-ability
- Quick drying
- Extends to mid-thigh
- Great strength and resilience
- Signature logo on waistband
- Machine wash and dry
SwampButt Underwear™ is a registered trademark in the USA and other countries. We paid a lot for it, so please do not use it without permission.