SwampButt Underwear’s 6 Ways To Manage A Socially Awkward Thanksgiving
Advice for Thanksgiving 2021 as few know more about socially awkward situations than men who sweat a lot from their backside.
This experience brings wisdom worth sharing. From visible butt sweat on pants to leaving a nice wet butt-print on furniture, there are few faux paus that get offenders removed from the guest list faster than the salty signature of a wet butt print.
Learn from us this Thanksgiving. “We blazed this socially uncomfortable trail already, so you don’t have to,” said SwampButt Underwear’s corporate
spokesman and master of deceit, Nick Heraldson. “These are tried and true strategies and tactics for navigating the holidays with the family.
- Don’t worry about all those embarrassing things from your past. The people who have known you the longest and know you best have already catalogued every mistake and misstep you ever made and will never forget a single one or miss the opportunity to remind you about it/them. This makes trying to make things up to someone or somehow make them seem ‘better’ a waste of time. Torturing you with your past is something that will never get old for your family, so just roll with it.
- Don’t beat yourself up about your tendency to draw the worst possible conclusions. People come to conclusions of any sort based on personal experiences. It’s no wonder then that you expect the worst. The worst is generally what happens, so act like you’ve been there before. Because you have.
- Are all families like this at Thanksgiving? Yes. No matter the part of the country, race, religion, education, country of origin, dog lover or cat lover, yes. So, show up early. That way you can leave early.
- What do I talk to my family about? People love talking about themselves, so in difficult social situations ask questions about the lives of those you only see once a year, unless there’s a pandemic. The more personal the better. Start conversations with that seldom seen relative with openers like ‘how’s the custody battle coming’ or ‘I learned a formula for ‘how young is too young’ from a divorce lawyer once.’ Another favorite, ‘is your kid out of rehab yet.’ Studies show that in cases where people do talk about themselves do the following 1) while the other person blah blah blahs about whatever, you can daydream about the things you’d rather be doing or places you’d rather be, which is time well spent or, 2) you’ll find that conversations like these are shorter and less likely to be repeated. Ever.
- Learn a foreign language. Sure, other languages are handy when traveling to the places where that language is spoken (Canadian is not a language). But when approached by someone you know you are related to but can’t remember their name, pretend that you do not speak any English. It’s far easier to pretend to be part of the domestic staff when feigning ignorance of the accepted local language.
- Help the host feel less anxious. Help with service, wash a dish, taste test the food and say ‘it’s delicious’ regardless of how awful it looks/tastes/smells. Beside, serving is a good way to avoid conversations. ‘Sorry I can’t talk right now, we are plating the moose bouche.’ Helping the host to set up and clean up can make you feel a lot less anxious too. Busying yourself with helpful tasks that shift your focus to others can help to mitigate anxiety, this according to a study published in Springer Nature.
- Be a source of comfort. For example, reassure your family host as often if possible. Volunteer encouragement with tidbits like, ‘I bet no one notices that you never lost the Covid-19 pounds. After all you never lost the baby weight, and that kid is in graduate school.’ They will love you even more.
Thanksgiving With The Family Does Not Have To Suck
Holidays are difficult for everyone; even normal people often dread them. “The only thing I have in common with my family members is that I’m related to them,” said Heraldson. “Having this sweaty butt condition is no help.” For better or worse, the only thing we usually have is each other. It’s best to try and find something positive about the food, the location, or the lack of self-awareness in others. Bringing up events from the past at Thanksgiving is no use to anyone. What’s done is done. Focus on the day and your company. There are plenty with no family who would swap places in a heartbeat. “We had an employee once who was always complaining about her parents,” Heraldson mused. “I asked her if she knew any orphans.”
If things get testy this Thursday, find the family dog and make friends with him/her. The dog will be glad to meet you and will not tell you about how wrong your views on birth control are, that your political opinions are idiotic or LeBraun is better than Jordon, etc. “Dogs can’t talk,” Heraldson said.
For Flop Sweat Or Any Other Type
For the man who has everything including a sweaty backside, please buy SwampButt Underwear. It is made here in the USA from fabric that wicks away sweat for faster drying and controls odor or we call it ‘stank butt.’ SwampButt Underwear is trademarked in the USA and foreign countries. We paid a lot for it, so please do not use it without permission.