- On June 26, 2017
News Of No SwampButt Underwear Windshield Decals Disappoints Dozens.
SwampButt Underwear™ regrets to inform the public that windshield stickers and decals of its beloved mascot ‘Rufus’ will not be ready in time to apply to their automobiles, SUV’s, pickup trucks, recreational or off road vehicles this summer. The company apologizes for any inconvenience or stress this unfortunate development may cause. But the company also has a ‘workaround’ solution.
Why Stickers Matter
“People use car stickers to brag on their last names, sports teams they like, the accomplishments of their children and even brag about expensive ice chests they may or may not own,” said SwampButt Underwear spokesman Nick Heraldson. “So we wanted to give the populace an opportunity to tell their fellow drivers that they once had sweaty backsides, but thanks to SwampButt Underwear that issue is now completely behind them.”
Heraldson went on to explain that, “the decal company couldn’t get the gleam in Rufus’ eyes quite right, plus they ran out of glue, so we’ve had to postpone that project for the time being.”
But that doesn’t mean SwampButt Underwear devotees must refrain from sharing the good news about their miraculous SwampButt Underwear with total strangers.
Fly Your SwampButt Underwear Flag Freely
“A way to spread the word, especially now that the decals are not available, is to take a pair of SwampButt Underwear and tape it to your back windshield. It’s eye catching and lets the world know that even at 75 miles per hour your butt is dry. And with our amazing selection you’re guaranteed to find something that fits your automobile’s color scheme.”
“Another great way for people to tell the masses about SwampButt Underwear is to buy multiple pairs and then post photos of them to social media channels until close friends acknowledge the superior underwear of their friends and relatives and decide, ‘hey he’s not better than me’, and they buy some too!,” said Heraldson.
Stuck in Traffic But Feeling Dry
Some SwampButt Underwear enthusiasts are already taping underwear to their back windshields and seeing their social lives improve.
“I always thought having car stickers of the products that I like to use would result in a lot of great friendships,” said F. X. Johnson from outside of Atlanta, Georgia. “But seldom did people ask me my opinion even though we were stuck in traffic and the perfect conversation icebreakers could be clearly seen. Ever since I fastened those SwampButt Underwear to my truck I’ve had a lot of people wanting to learn more about my hopes, my dreams and these fantastic underwear. I’m more comfortable in my own skin now. And my butt is comfortable too, thanks to SwampButt Underwear.”
Other drivers are starting to notice SwampButt Underwear on the highways and byways of America as well.
“I was filling up the car when a truck with SwampButt Underwear on the back started getting gas next to me,” said a woman from Angleton, Texas who gave her name but had forgotten her i.d.. “We got to talking and I learned so much about wicking and how if sweat sits too long on your butt that bacteria and germs accumulate. It was fascinating. I was sad to see that fella go because then, I only my husband and his ‘Coexist’ bumper sticker to talk about.”
A Window to Helping Your Sweaty Backside
The material in SwampButt Underwear is made to draw sweat away from the skin. This is known as “wicking.” In addition to wicking, SwampButt Underwear allows for greater air flow under and around the fabric, which permits sweat to evaporate quicker than traditionally made underwear.
SwampButt Underwear garments are manufactured to exact specifications and are unique in the world of underpants or at least in parts of the world where underpants are worn.
“SwampButt Underwear is perfect for the guy who likes to be comfortable while using his back windshield to apprise nearby strangers of his hobbies and activities,” said Heraldson. “And for those guys who want comfort and demand respect we suggest wearing SwampButt Underwear while affixing another pair to your truck or car window. SwampButt Underwear also comes in handy when you’re fishing, hunting, mowing the lawn, playing golf, yelling at umpires, running, lifting weights or thinking about doing those things.”