- On June 14, 2019
SwampButt Underwear suggests plans for alternate vacation destinations. Many American families will leverage summer to plan a fun, entertaining, relaxing trip together. School is out and the weather is warm. It is one of the few times in any year all family members can be together at once. The summer vacation is a yearly rite of passage, as traditional as the 4thof July or Thanksgiving. The challenge is when all those American families want to enjoy togetherness at the same time and in the same place as yours does. Is there some way to preserve that precious togetherness without standing in a line for an overcrowded venue or attraction? The answer may be to seek alternative or complimentary destinations to the ones that are overrun with other people’s children. Here is a sample curated by SwampButt Underwear.
Plan B: Florida’s Epcot Center
Nothing says ‘theme park’ or ‘election controversy’ like Florida but there is a downside to all the fun the family or a federal judge can have here. Too many entertaining rides based on pop-culture phenomena can raise the anxiety levels of kids aged 6 months to 100. Why not soothe and calm the travel party with a trip to Epcot? While made to honor a hopeful future, the lack of any updates since the park was opened in 1982 make it the most nostalgic of all the Disney properties. Is Mickey Mouse out place here? Who are we to judge? And to prove that predicting the future is really hard, look no further than Epcot’s Future World where nobody guessed correctly about anything. The lack of crowds makes the $74.00 ticket the ultimate entrance to summertime relaxation and that nap you need.
Plan B: Missouri’s Nuclear Waste Adventure Trail & Museum
When travelling to Missouri this summer, places like Branson, Lake of the Ozarks, St. Louis, Hannibal or Springfield each has much to offer. Whether music in Branson, Mark Twain in Hannibal, The Simpsons in Springfield or water in the Lake of the Ozarks there is something for everyone. But when everyoneis in the line in front of you and you’ve reached the end of that last nerve consider “The Nuclear Waste Adventure Trail and Museum” located in Weldon Spring, MO. It’s the answer to the question, ‘what should the U.S. Government do with 1.48 million cubic yards of PCBs, mercury, asbestos, TNT, radioactive uranium and radium, and contaminated sludge and rubble? The answer (of course) is charge people to walk across it. According to Roadside America, “The Weldon Spring Site Remedial Action Project Disposal Cell — its official name — covers 54 acres. We call it the “Nuclear Waste Adventure Trail.” It has a welcome center and gift shop.
Plan B: Nevada’s Little Ali Inn
When the garish glow of artificial lights, clanging of bells inside casinos and world class entertainment from celebrities like Billy Ray Cyrus, Wayne Newton, or Adam Sandler are too much, jump in the car and head to Rachel, NV and visit the ‘Little Ali Inn’. Located near the military’s top secret ‘Area 51’base, the ‘Inn offers hamburgers, drinks and souvenirs from the so named ‘Extra Terrestrial Highway’. Full disclosure, the author visited here in 1998 and enjoyed the food and tall tales from
some of the more colorful local residents.
Plan B: South Dakota’s Corn Palace
Don’t sell the southern ‘Dakota’ short. Whether touring the “Badlands” or “Custer State Park” South Dakota is what North Dakota would be like if there was no Mount Rushmore. But if counting buffalo is more than a family can manage, it’s time to visit the World’s Only Corn Palace. No doubt the corniest attraction on any list, the 123-year-old Mitchell Corn Palace’s exterior (and intricate murals) is made entirely out of local corn and grains. Flocks of hungry birds are not as big a problem as anyone might first believe.
Plan B: Washington State’s Award-Winning Gum Wall
If you wanted Vancouver but without the aggressive panhandlers, arrive in Seattle, WA. Seattle sports the Space Needle, the Museum of Pop Culture, Mount Rainier and that fish market where employees chunk salmon at each other.But if the line for the tour of the Boeing plant is longer than the list of complaints your teenage children have, head to Seattle Market Theater Gum Wall.According to the Wikipedia, the wall is by the box office for the Market Theater and named 2009’s second germiest tourist attraction in the world behind the Blarney Stone (this is the award). Colorful as it may be, it’s basically a wall of someone else’s spit held together with gum. In Cologne, Germany there is a bridge with padlocks that fill the pedestrian walk that is really charming. Seattle has a biohazard that doubles as a tourist attraction.
Plan B: Texas’ National Museum of Funeral History
Texas is a really big state with lots to see and do. For those visiting the greater Houston area there is NASA, Space Center Houston, the San Jacinto Battleground, professional and college sporting events, the Menil Art Collection, Ally Theater, Natural History Museum and world class dining and shopping. But buried among all those places is the National Museum of Funeral History.According to their web site, ‘the idea for the Museum grew from Robert L. Waltrip’s 25-year dream of establishing an institution to educate the public and preserve the heritage of death care.’ Mr. Waltrip collected many tools of the trade and used the museum to save and even help resurrect the techniques of the trade. October is their busiest month.
Why Does SwampButt Underwear Care?
Easy. Whether visiting the Mystery Spot in Michigan, the Robert Trent Jones Golf Trailin Alabama, the President George H.W. Bush Museumin College Station, TX or the Military Antiques and Penry Museumin Petaluma, CA, summer means heat, heat means sweat and that means an unsightly, sweaty backside. America’s men work too hard affording family vacation to be stuck to a plastic booth inside Stuckey’s, Dairy QueenorWonder Cavein San Marcos, TX. Get some SwampButt Underwear™and make this the best summer trip ever. But like we said, SwampButt Underwear suggests plans for alternate vacation destinations.
About SwampButt Underwear
SwampButt Underwearis a real company that makes and sells a real product that solves the problem of visible butt sweat on men. SwampButt Underwear™ is trademarked in the U.S. and foreign countries. We paid a lot for it so please do not use it without permission.