Swampbutt Underwear Made in the USA Performance Brand For Bigger Sweatier Smellier American Men.
There are now seven new color designs with two more sizes added which are extra-extra large (2XL) and extra-extra-extra large (3XL). The new colors include: lime green, royal blue, white, red, grey, black, and camouflaged. The decisions that led to these new products were driven by customer input, questions and suggestions.
Bigger Leg Openings and Waist Sizes
The original SwampButt Underwear designs were not as big as most of the American men who suffer from a sweaty backside. These men need a garment to help them stay dry. “We all assumed that fat people just sweat more than those who are not, you know, fat,” said failed U.S. State Department diplomat and company spokesperson Nick Heraldson. “But according to science, men who are just big or bigger will generate more heat and sweat more, even if they are in decent physical condition, or not fat. So, the fact that a man sweats a lot more than normal south of the belt line does not necessarily mean that he is also a big fat slob. Of course, it does not mean he isn’t either.”
Airlines Take Note
To accommodate more girth, both leg openings on all the new SwampButt Underwear garments are larger than before. Waist sizes are also more forgiving and bigger. The fabric in the new underwear is from Sportek, one of the leading manufacturers of sports clothes and fabric anywhere. The fabric contains 83% polyester and 17% Spandex. This is eight percent more Spandex than used in the original designs so the underwear is ‘stretchier.’ “We felt that only other Americans could fully grasp the need for a bigger pair of underwear,” Heraldson said. “If only the airlines were as thoughtful and generous as we were when designing their seats for passengers, the world would be a better place.” Asked if SwampButt Underwear might someday design airline seats, he replied, “if we were asked to, absolutely.” Heraldson went on, “I’m six feet tall and weigh two hundred pounds and I need a crowbar to wedge my fat ass into and out of any coach airline seat, and don’t get me started on the seats on commuter planes.” Heraldson concluded. “How can I read a book, work on my computer or swat the kid kicking my seat behind me if my arms don’t move?”
Less of a Stank
Sweaty bottoms and over-heated butt cracks can generate a very bad smell for a very long time. Bad-odors (latin for doctors is maleolentia) tend to get into fabrics and stay there. No amount of washing, scrubbing or beating underpants on rocks will remove these stenches. To combat the presence of this bouquet of stink, the new SwampButt Performance Made in the USA garments are also made with ‘Microblok’ technology to prevent stinky drawers or from the latin; ubi foetidum. MicroBlok inhibits the growth of bacteria on treated surfaces of products, greatly reducing stains, odors, and product deterioration. Swampbutt Underwear Made in the USA Performance Brand For Bigger Sweatier Smellier American Men.
According to the people who make it, ‘the MicroBlok product line inhibits the growth of bacteria, fungi, molds, yeasts and other microbes on treated surfaces of products, greatly reducing stains, odors and product deterioration. MicroBlok has undergone rigorous laboratory testing. These tests measure the inhibition of bacteria, fungi, molds and other microbes on the tested plastic substrates. It’s an ideal inhibitor for use in products subject to high humidity such as those intended for kitchen and bath environments as well as outdoor uses including furniture and decking. Additional product uses include sponges, bath mats, wire and cable insulation, plastic gloves, scrub brushes and footwear.’ “if there is a warmer or more humid place than a fat guys’ butt crack, I don’t want to know about it,” Heraldson declared. Just remember, Swampbutt Underwear Made in the USA Performance Brand For Bigger Sweatier Smellier American Men.
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