SwampButt Underwear Valentines Day ’21.
Another Valentine’s Day is almost here. Time to give gifts, send cards, swap spit and finish taking down the Christmas lights. Finding the right Valentine’s gift for a man can be tough. We can help. How? Because we know that every sweaty, lovable man will relish a new pair of SwampButt Underwear.
Facts About Most Men & Valentine’s Day
Reading and seeing a lot about how men are more in touch with their feelings? That’s nothing but bovine excrement. Men are not at all comfortable with feelings, expressing them or ‘sharing with the group’ regardless of what TV, Dr. Phil or Facebook say.
The average man would rather punch himself in the groin than shed a tear. How to approach men like this? Give him something useful like a hammer or a banjo. For the man who sweats profusely and leaves a butt shaped stain everywhere he plops his backside, give him SwampButt Underwear. It’s like giving a ‘forever towel’ that dries his butt cheeks all day, every day, forever.
It’s Summer Inside My Ass Crack
Some say, ‘but it’s not hot outside in February, what the hell would anyone need this for.’ There is only one season for the less than fit fatties that sweat all year regardless of what the temperature outside is. And that season is summer. SwampButt Underwear Valentines Day ’21.
Is SwampButt Underwear a Possible Alternative? Take This Test.
If one, some or all of these applies, then SwampButt Underwear is for you.
- Do you constantly check that the heat is off, look to make sure it’s off or ask if the heat is on?
- Has NASA said its satellites have traced the source of global warming to your backside?
- Does your butt-crack feel hotter than prison asphalt in August?
- Do people ask if it’s raining ‘upside down’ because your pants are wetter than anything else in site?
- Has a voodoo shaman declared your booty the home of an unholy vortex that leads to hell?
- Do you take a towel to sit on everywhere you go?
- Is the furniture inside your home covered in plastic and you are under the age of 90?
What Size And What Color?
SwampButt Made In The USA Brand Underwear is available in sizes from small to triple extra-large. You or your special someone can pick the color or colors that speak to him like red, white, blue, green, lime green, navy, gold, black, maroon, orange, or camouflage. The color and size that says, ‘I’m not a big sweaty mess anymore, I can go to school, ask women to dance and not be rejected (at least not right away) get a job, and be somebody!
To learn the full history of Valentines Day, visit the History Channel with its complete write up.