- On July 10, 2017
SwampButt Underwear Wants to Give MLB All-Stars Some Miraculous Drawers. Babe Ruth, Lefty Gomez and Lou Gehrig all played in Major League Baseball’s first All-Star Game in 1933 and were later inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. But they never knew comfort like SwampButt Underwear™.
“I think the MLB all-stars of yesteryear missed out on a lot of things when compared to the great players of today,” said SwampButt Underwear spokesperson Nick Heraldson. “They knew very little about nutrition, exercising, performance enhancing substances or wearing garments that can help fight the awful affliction known as swampbutt. Those guys must have spent a lot of time just sitting in their own butt sweat. Poor bastards.”
A Possible All-Star Performance
Tomorrow night, the 88th annual MLB All-Star Game will be played at Marlins Park in Miami, Florida – a location known for its heat and humidity. Most players, coaches, umpires and fans are expected to have some degree of butt sweat by the time the game ends. And they all could have done something about it if they had just showed up better prepared for the climate.
The material in SwampButt Underwear is made to draw sweat away from the skin. This is known as “wicking.” In addition to wicking, SwampButt Underwear allows for greater air flow under and around the fabric, which permits sweat to evaporate quicker than traditionally made underwear.
“A little research would help a lot of people in that stadium avoid a nasty case of swampbutt,” said Heraldson. “Our website isn’t hard to find. There will be fans in attendance and perhaps a few players and coaches who know the power of SwampButt Underwear and will be enjoying the Midsummer Classic in pure comfort. The only thing they’ll be sweating is the final score.”
SwampButt Underwear garments are manufactured to exact specifications and are unique in the world of underpants or at least in parts of the world where underpants are worn.
An All-Star Season Deserves Some Great Underwear
SwampButt Underwear is pleased to offer a free pair of its miraculous drawers (while supplies last) to any current or former MLB All-Star who want to improve his comfort level when playing baseball, fishing, hunting, mowing the lawn, playing golf, yelling at umpires, running, lifting weights or thinking about doing those things.
All-Star Game managers and coaches with the exception of Tommy Lasorda are also eligible to receive free SwampButt Underwear garments.
“Our world headquarters is located near Houston, so we are very excited about this year’s All-Star Game,” said Heraldson. “And we think we’ve found a way to unite today’s superstars and the great players of yesteryear together. So even if you played in the only All-Star Game held at the Kingdome (1979 Seattle) or participated in the only All-Star Game without any extra-base hits (1958 Baltimore) and want to know what life is like with a lot less butt sweat then SwampButt Underwear is here to help. All photos will be tastefully done.”
All interested parties can contact SwampButt Underwear at our website www.swampbutt.com or via our Facebook or Twitter pages.
“Mr. Lasorda can even get a pair if he really wants them,” said Heraldson. “One of our employees is still mad about an autograph request that he was denied at the Astrodome in 1987. But I still think we can work things out.”