Sweating at Alabama vs. Louisville
SwampButt Underwear’s Fans in the Stands – You’re Gonna Get Sweaty Series.
Like a garbage can you tried to throw away, college football is back for the 2018 season. And this time it’s personal – personal hygiene that is.
The Crimson Tide are taking on the Cardinals at Camping World Stadium in Orlando Saturday, Sept. 1, 2018. Temperatures are expected to be in the high 80s or 90’s at game time with an astonishing amount of humidity. Fans and even people who like to camp will be stuck to the seats like a rain poncho to a wet tarp-oleum unless they wear underwear that can take the heat for the four hours of a football game. SwampButt Underwear™ (http://www.swampbutt.com) is made for hot and sweaty times like this.
Keys to the Game
- Louisville used to sell that Papa John’s pizza. What happened?
- Hydrate, whizz, repeat.
- Share that joke about elephant hunting and how the ‘tusks are loser’ with anyone standing still.
- Consider other parts of your life where the actions of 18-22-year old’s have as much impact on your self-esteem.
- Write the names of every player from your favorite team that you can remember. Then burn the pages and realize all the time you have wasted.
- Watch the 1984 comedy All of Me. Think about how in the world Steve Martin wasn’t nominated for an Academy Award.
What are the Fans Thinking
- This place called ‘Camping World’ sounds wonderful. I want to go to there.
- “I’ll admit it. Sometimes I miss Coach Fran.”
- “You already told me your joke about the elephant.”
- “That’s funny. My fan fiction stories always feature a tattoo of the Mobile skyline too.”
- “Do you still think he has the motorcycle?”
SwampButt Game Prediction
Actual elephants will smell better than the inside of that Elephant mascot suit by half time.
Solid, Rational Football Sidebar Stuff
“Like all Americans and some Japanese, we’re very excited about the start of college football season,” said SwampButt Underwear spokesperson Nick Heraldson. “But we’re not thrilled about being in the hot sun, watching our favorite team’s nickel package get toasted again and again accompanied by the slow and steady drip, drip, drip of butt sweat. SwampButt Underwear can’t cover slot receivers, call audibles or stop throwing the ball into double coverage, but it can help your package remain relatively dry. Remember, you’re not getting lucky if your lady has to peel you off that recycled lawn chair of a bleacher seat. There are more ways to win than just outscoring your opponent, you know.”
The SwampButt Underwear research and development department recently confirmed that almost everyone has a butt. And a lot of those same people with butts wear underwear. And on hot days those butts sweat.
“Whether you have tickets to the game, plan to watch it on TV or believe the current college athletics industrial complex is unfair, at some point this weekend, you’re going to suffer from swampbutt,” said Heraldson. “It’s a well-known fact. It’s science people!”
SwampButt Underwear is specifically formulated to help fight the grim affliction known as swampbutt. Our specially formulated drawers work through the magic of wicking, which is the way moisture travels across a large area of fabric. The further the sweat disperses across the surface the faster it can evaporate. And that’s pretty handy on a hot day.
Who Should Wear SwampButt Underwear
We at SwampButt Underwear don’t know a lot about football, but we do know a lot about sweat. The kind you get sitting in the stands, walking to the stadium or running from the other team’s fans after you point to the scoreboard and yell something about a tryst between their mothers and the mascot. Each activity is going to give you a sweaty backside. And we can help.
The people who wear our underwear participate in all types of activities, including:
- attending college football games
- betting on college football games
- letting their happiness be directly impacted by the collective performance of a group of students participating in a college football game
- golf, tennis, cricket, running, tailgating, fishing, baseball, football, rugby, basketball, hunting, camping, darts, volleyball, Uno, hiking, softball, washers, dice, cornhole, poker and bowling
- many other sports and leisure activities
And most of those people sweat a lot – especially around their butts.
“No matter if you are watching or playing sports you’re going to sweat,” said Heraldson. “SwampButt Underwear can help you not embarrass yourself; well at least not embarrass yourself because you have visible butt sweat. We can’t prevent you from being such a jackass during the big game that your fiancée calls off the wedding. But we can help you feel dry while doing it. ”
About SwampButt Underwear
Men’s Performance SwampButt Underwear is perfect for the guy who has sweat issues south of the belt or just likes to be comfortable. These incredible drawers were created to draw sweat away from the skin and are made with 91% polyester and 9% spandex.
- Form fitting with natural coverage
- Wicks away moisture for improved wear-ability
- Quick drying
- Extends to mid-thigh
- Great strength and resilience
- Signature logo on waistband
- Machine wash and dry
SwampButt Underwear™ is a registered trademark in the USA and other countries. We paid a lot for it, so please do not use it without permission.