The Walking Dead’s Abraham Ford (played by Michael Cudlitz) spoke for millions of men during the show’s season finale on Sunday, April 2, 2017 when he described why he disliked the beach: “I hate the beach. End of the day, in a wet suit, it’s like you’re sandblasting your nut sack every single step you take back to the car.” Had he been wearing SwampButt Performance Underwear, there would have been no sand, grit, or chafe anywhere on, in, or near the burly army sergeant’s anatomy.
Fans of The Walking Dead will know already that Abraham has a colorful way of expressing himself, especially when describing human anatomy. It was during a sequence of the show where his drowning death in an ocean is foretold that he described the impact sand caught in his suit had on his reproductive organs.
His descriptive complaint of why he hated the beach is a reminder to people considering the shoreline this summer; to avoid sand-chafe, wear SwampButt Underwear. SwampButt Underwear performance underwear are made from lycra and polyester to wick away and evaporate moisture faster than otherwise possible. The tight-fitting underwear will also help prevent sand from migrating into the crotches and butt cracks of seaside visitors.
Would SwampButt Underwear Change the Zombie Apocalypse?
What impact SwampButt Underwear might have had on Abraham or others during the zombie apocalypse is not known, nor is it talked about anywhere but at the company’s headquarters. “He probably would still have been killed,” company president Harold Nicoll said when asked. “But he would have been more comfortable if he had been wearing our garments.” Asked if other men would have similarly benefitted from SwampButt Underwear during the zombie outbreak Nicoll responded, “I’m pretty sure The Walking Dead is not a documentary, but sure. Anyone wearing them at the beach regardless of the occasion or reason would be better off.”
SwampButt Underwear: A Barrier Against That Reef
Those who wear lose fitting or no underwear to the nation’s beaches will accumulate sand in the worst possible location, inside swim wear. Makers of SwampButt Underwear named this affliction ‘swamp-chafe’ because of the place on an individual’s body it occurs (the human butt) and the hot weather that is also part of the equation.
The construction and materials SwampButt Underwear is made from will cling to the wearer; thus, providing a wall against the unwanted encroachment of sand. “It will not matter how much sand or how red and irritated anyone’s crotch or butt crack gets while at the beach,” said Harold Nicoll, president of SwampButt Underwear LLC. “No one will be digging any pearls out of there,” he warned. An uncomfortable day at the beach might be the best thing anyone gets out of their drawers, as infections and other complicated skin disorders often accompany swamp-chafe.”
Serious Beach Sand Disease
Abraham knew what he was talking about when he warned about the condition of his ‘nut sack.’ The places on an individual’s skin that are rubbed to the point of bleeding can get infected. “There is a lot of bad stuff lurking in that innocent looking beach sand,” Nicoll said.
According to the web site, www.medicinenet.com, beach sand and not beach water is what is more likely to make spring breakers sick. “Studies done with water and sand from Hawaiian beaches found a “higher abundance” of bacteria indicating fecal contamination — bugs such a E. coli, for example — in the sand than in the water,” the site published.”
Wear SwampButt Underwear To Prevent Swamp-Chafe
As with so many things, prevention is the best medicine. For those who want to avoid the grinding despair of beach sand, wear SwampButt Performance Underwear. ‘We recommend our brown, sand colored performance underwear,” Nicoll stated. “It is the color of sand and if the wearer does not change for a few days, who’s going to know?”
To learn more go to: www.swampbutt.com.