- On May 9, 2019
NOTE: Be sure to use the coupon code 2019 for a 20% discount on the purchase of the black, made in the USA Swampbutt Underwear.
Graduation season stretches from mid-May through June and will test the patience, mettle and deodorant of graduates, faculty, staff and spectators. Most graduates will wear the traditional cap and gown for the ceremony. But what about underneath? Is it possible to look reasonably well dressed after spending hours below a black polyester heat trap named ‘graduation robe’? The makers of SwampButt Underwear believe that it is, even after wearing the most poorly planned garment since the fig leaf. No surprise they recommend SwampButt Underwear for graduates and those in attendance.
No One Will See Underneath, Right?
Do not think that wearing a robe means it does not matter what is worn underneath. Throughout the day graduates will take photos with friends, family members, and classmates. There are parties to attend with friends before and after the ritual. For those without any friends, maybe going out with family? Regardless, it’s going to get hot and the urge to doff the giant black pole-less tent of a sauna named ‘robe’ will be too hard to resist. So, plan for the robe-less part of graduation day. Wear SwampButt Underwear Made in the USA style sweat wicking underwear to prevent sticking to chairs, bleachers, benches, stools, vinyl restaurant booths, car seats or any other surface where new grads may park their collective rear ends.
The Garment of Choice for European Monks
The graduation gown evolved (probably) from the monks who wore heavy head to toe gowns and hoods to keep out the cold of northern Europe. These are completely unsuitable for American outdoor ceremonies in early summer or late spring. Think there is nothing hotter or more uncomfortable? Keep reading.
What If It Rains?
Graduation ceremonies occur outdoors at stadiums to accommodate larger crowds of well-wishers and loved ones. But if it rains, graduates’ and ‘immediate family only’ are relegated to the gym or some other exhibition building. Some are air conditioned, but most are not. “Most of these gyms are too big to cool. Not because it isn’t needed but because it’s too expensive,” said SwampButt Underwear spokesperson and frequent guest for lunch Nick Heraldson. “So, people who really love you will sit and suffer in a gym built right after World War 2 with high windows and those chains that open them that no one knows how to work. The higher up in the gym the worse it is.” All the while, student/graduates swelter away. Students will sit on the floor of the gym in a metal folding chair, fanning themselves with the program while the dean/principal/student body president/local politician/hired outside speaker drones on about how ‘you are our future’ over a ‘hot’ mike that is too garbled for anyone to understand. “At this point, you will be so uncomfortable you will stop trying to listen,” Heraldson predicted.
Stuck to a Metal Chair
Those wearing traditional cotton underwear will sit and sweat and stink during the ceremonial rite of passage. But those who plan ahead, and wear SwampButt Underwear will be cooler and less likely to stick to their chair when they stand up. “There is no coming back from standing at graduation with the chair sticking to your soggy bottom,” Heraldson said sternly. “Your fellow classmates will remember it forever and remind you of it at every opportunity.”
About SwampButt Underwear
SwampButt Underwear™ is underwear for guys who sweat a lot and disdain visible butt sweat. Along with most other on line clothing vendors, SwampButt Underwear offers exchanges of unopened packages but will not accept those that have been opened. SwampButt Underwear is trademarked in the U.S. and other countries. We paid a lot for it so please do not use it without written permission.