SwampButt Underwear Releases Week 14 ‘Scale of Sultry’
Less SwampButt to Contend With as Cooler Late November Conditions Negate the Scale of Sultry Everywhere, Almost
Lake Jackson, TX — (November 28, 2025) — SwampButt Underwear released its fully expanded Week 14 ‘Scale of Sultry’ report for rivalry weekend across college football. This edition includes an exclusive appearance by Rufus — the company’s realistic, upright, anthropomorphic alligator mascot, now serving as the official SwampButt Meteorologist. For more weather coverage please refer to https://wunderground.com.
Despite his cold‑blooded biology, Rufus braved a national blast of cold air to deliver the weather briefing. Wearing a thick, fur‑lined winter parka, he addressed the gathered cameras and reporters: “I’ll be honest with y’all — these temperatures are not my natural habitat. But the college football fans need the ‘Scale of Sultry’ forecast, and I’m the gator for the job.”
Cold, Calm, and Un-Sweaty: A Rare Rivalry Week Forecast
Week 14 is usually a battleground of unpredictable fronts and late‑season humidity, but 2025 bucks the trend. Most games fall into low‑sultry or no‑sultry territory, with cool, crisp, or outright freezing conditions dominating the map.
Rufus, pointing a claw at a weather chart with temperatures in the 20s and 30s across the Big Ten, remarked, “if you see me wearing a parka, that should tell you everything. This is the kind of weather that makes this alligator rethink his career choices.”
Game‑by‑Game Breakdown with Climate Advantage
Houston at Baylor — SoS 7.5 — Favored: None (both heat‑adapted)
Texas A&M at Texas — SoS 5.0 — Favored: None (both Gulf‑heat teams)
Arizona at Arizona State — SoS 4.5 — Favored: None (same desert climate)
UCLA at USC — SoS 4.0 — Favored: None (same city)
LSU at Oklahoma — SoS 3.5 — Favored: Oklahoma
SMU at California — SoS 3.0 — Favored: California
Alabama at Auburn — SoS 3.0 — Favored: None (same climate region)
Ole Miss at Mississippi State — SoS 2.0 — Favored: None (same climate)
Vanderbilt at Tennessee — SoS 2.0 — Favored: None (same state)
Texas Tech at West Virginia — SoS 1.5 — Favored: West Virginia
Notre Dame at Stanford — SoS 1.5 — Favored: Notre Dame
Miami at Pittsburgh — SoS 1.0 — Favored: Pittsburgh
Virginia Tech at Virginia — SoS 1.0 — Favored: None (same state)
Indiana at Purdue — SoS 0.5 — Favored: None (same state)
Ohio State at Michigan — SoS 0.5 — Favored: None (same region)
Rufus Speaks on Sweat, Science, and Survival
Rufus took advantage of his meteorological moment to explain why the Scale of Sultry matters: “Look, folks think sweat only happens in summer. Wrong. Sweat happens everywhere — on the couch, in the car, in the stadium bathrooms. Cold weather might slow it down, but it doesn’t stop it. That’s why SwampButt Underwear still matters even when the thermometer says otherwise.”
When asked how he copes with winter forecasting duties, Rufus replied, “I’m a professional. I bundle up, I deliver the forecast, and then I go sit under a heat lamp for six hours.”
About SwampButt Underwear
SwampButt Underwear™ is a real company that makes and markets a product that solves a problem. That problem is visible butt sweat. Known as ‘swamp ass’ or ‘swamp butt’ it is very embarrassing and keeps lots of men indoors or alone while outdoors if they go outside at all. SwampButt Underwear™ is trademarked in the United States of America and foreign countries. We paid a lot for it so please do not use it without permission.