September 26, 2025 – The SwampButt Underwear ‘Scale of Sultry’ is 9-1 picking college football winners this season, so far. The ‘Scale of Sultry’ is a numeric scale of 1 (not hot/humid or sultry at all) to 10 (unbearably hot and sultry like Singapore or Clute, TX) that takes game time temperature, humidity, wind direction, wind speed, cloud cover, and precipitation and assigns a single number. The premise is that schools in places where the weather is hottest and most humid are better conditioned than those in more moderate climates.
The ’Scale of Sultry’ was originally designed to inform local fans about what to expect at their respective stadiums in terms of heat and humidity. It has since evolved.
Is There Any Science To This?
The ‘Scale of Sultry’ is based on absolutely zero science. It does not factor won or loss records, who the coach is or was, or any other odds making or future divination know how (like dousing, tarot, I-Ching, or remote viewing), the Scale of Sultry is 9-1 through week four.
Why Does America’s Most Unique Brand Of Men’s Underwear Care?
The makers of SwampButt Underwear love sports, especially the ones where there is a lot of sweat and sweating. College football is unique because fans and players alike will sweat to excess. Men who sweat most from the waist down will experience visible butt sweat or as it is commonly known, swamp butt. “That visible butt sweat really hits the sweet spot for us,” said SwampButt Underwear spokesman and pop-culture devotee Nick Heraldson. “Wait, that’s a bad analogy.”
Here are this week’s picks:
Friday September 26, 2025
Weather in Viginia will be humid with intervals of clouds and sun; a couple of afternoon showers and a thunderstorm
RealFeel®86°
RealFeel Shade™82°
Max UV Index3.0 (Moderate)
WindNE 5 mph
Scale of Sultry Rating 6
Advantage Florida State
No state in the union can provide hot and humid weather the way Florida does. The temperature will be about ten degrees above what they experience at home with humidity lower by 10-20 percent. The Seminoles hot weather conditioning will make this a relatively easy win. “What the heck is a Cavalier (Virginia’s mascot) anyway,” asked Heraldson. “Is that French for ‘dude with a feather in his hat?”
Nice with times of clouds and sun
RealFeel®76°
RealFeel Shade™72° Not as warm but pleasant with plenty of sunshine
RealFeel®79°
RealFeel Shade™74°
Max UV Index4.0 (Moderate)
WindNNW 7 mph
Advantage Houston
The weather in Oregon will be downright cool late Friday evening. Coaches and staff from Houston will need their red hoodies on the sidelines, unaccustomed as they are to any temperature lower than 80 degrees. Houston is known as the ‘Bayou City’ and not because of all the alligators, but all the bayous. “The Allen Brothers, founders of Houston, located it on an old swamp where the weather conditions, heat, humidity, and rain would have to improve to just be terrible,” Heraldson said. “It’s like they chose this location to intentionally keep people away or they lost a bet with the people who founded San Diego.” The Cougars will make a meal of the Beavers.
Partial sunshine with a heavy thunderstorm around; watch for flash flooding
RealFeel®90°
RealFeel Shade™82°
Max UV Index6.0 (High)
WindSE 4 mph
Advantage Louisiana Tech
El Paso has some of the nicest weather in the state of Texas, most days. But game day this Saturday will not be one of them. Louisiana has its share of rain and floods that often accompany hurricanes. So, bring on the hot rain, flooding, heat or even a plague of frogs because the team from Louisiana has seen it all.
Sunny; a beautiful start to the weekend
RealFeel®84°
RealFeel Shade™78°
Max UV Index5.0 (Moderate)
WindNNE 5 mph
Advantage Arkansas
Indiana is too far north for the players from Notre Dame to know the real meaning of the word ‘stifling.’ And while few in Arkansas know what it means either, the hogs are a sweaty bunch who love the heat, humidity and mud to roll in. “We are talking about the Arkansas football team, right,” Heraldson queried.
Times of clouds and sun; start of another prolonged period of dry weather.
RealFeel®79°
RealFeel Shade™74°
Max UV Index4.0 (Moderate)
WindWNW 5 mph
Advantage Duke
Syracuse plays in a dome, so the weather will not matter, will it? Yes, it will. Because while Duke is from the genteel south and is really a basketball school, the Duke players work out in conditions that are good for growing mold or mushrooms. “Those mold and mushroom infested players from Duke will be way better conditioned than the ‘Orange’ in their fancy dome stadium with all that air conditioning and drinks with real ice in them,” Heraldson stated. “Talk about a snooty bunch.”
Plenty of sunshine; a beautiful start to the weekend.
RealFeel®87°
RealFeel Shade™82°
Max UV Index5.0 (Moderate)
WindSSW 5 mph
Advantage UCF
The Wildcats of Kansas State will wish they had not grown the extra layer of fur for the upcoming Kansas winter when they enter the usually friendly confines of Bill Snyder Family Stadium. That is because the Knights of Orlando University (AKA UCF) will be more than ready for the balmy breezes predicted for game time. The Knights are weather tested from the miserable conditions they endure at their home stadium and practice facility. But the Knights will benefit from more than the weather. “The UCF stadium in Orlando is the most poorly lit of any major college program. There are airport parking lots with better lights,” Heraldson said. Better lighting and the weather conditions will both benefit UCF according to Heraldson. “The Knights will not mind the heat, plus they will be able to see the ball for a change.”
Very warm with plenty of sunshine; a beautiful start to the weekend.
RealFeel®85°
RealFeel Shade™81°
Max UV Index4.0 (Moderate)
WindW 8 mph
Advantage Arizona
The entire state of Arizona is a desert. What else is there to know?
About SwampButt Underwear
SwampButt Underwear is a real company that makes and sells underwear for men. And we really like college football. Founded in the sweltering heart of Texas, SwampButt Underwear designs performance undergarments for men who sweat — a lot. All SwampButt Underwear is made in Texas. With a brand voice as bold as its fabric technology, SwampButt Underwear helps its customers fight embarrassing perspiration with comfort, honesty, and a little humor. SwampButt Underwear™ is trademarked. United States and foreign countries. It was really expensive so please do not use it without permission.
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