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SwampButt Underwear ‘Scale of Sultry’ Predicts College Football Games

The SwampButt Scale of “Sultry” is a numeric index from 1 to 10 developed by the company SwampButt Underwear to assess how hot and humid (sultry) conditions will be at college football games. The scale is used to predict game outcomes based on which team is better conditioned to play in those specific weather conditions.

SwampButt Underwear mascot Rufus believes it is possible to predict which college football teams have the advantage over their competition based on the ‘SwampButt Underwear Scale of Sultry.’
SwampButt Underwear mascot Rufus believes it is possible to predict which college football teams have the advantage over their competition based on the ‘SwampButt Underwear Scale of Sultry.’

The Scale Explained

  • 1 (Not Sultry at All): Conditions are cool and comfortable.
  • 10 (Unbearably Hot and Stifling): Conditions are extremely hot and humid, compared to places like Singapore, Saigon, or Clute, Texas.
The scale incorporates several weather variables into a single number, including:
  • Temperature
  • Humidity
  • Wind direction and speed
  • Cloud cover and precipitation
Purpose and Methodology
The primary premise behind the “Scale of Sultry” is that college football teams from hot, humid climates (like the U.S. South) are better conditioned to handle “sultry” game-day conditions than teams from cooler, milder regions. This conditioning advantage, developed through regular practice in challenging weather, is believed to impact player performance, especially in the fourth quarter of a game. The company, known for its humorous marketing and performance-focused underwear for men who sweat a lot, uses this “unscientific” yet data-driven model to make college football predictions and highlight the importance of moisture management.
SwampButt Scale of Sultry Summary

Whether scouting matchups, tracking potential upsets, or simply observing which teams will be battling the elements as much as each other, the Week 12 SwampButt Scale offers a uniquely honest, scientifically adjacent snapshot of college football weather misery.

May forecasts be accurate, your picks be profitable, and your underwear remain mercifully dry.

About SwampButt Underwear

SwampButt Underwear is a real company that makes and sells underwear for men who suffer from visible butt sweat commonly known as ‘swamp butt.’.(And we really like college football). Founded in the sweltering heart of Texas, SwampButt Underwear designs performance undergarments for men who sweat — a lot. All SwampButt Underwear is made in Texas. With a brand voice as bold as its fabric technology, SwampButt Underwear helps its customers fight embarrassing perspiration with comfort, honesty, and a little humor. SwampButt Underwear™ is trademarked in the United States and foreign countries. It was really expensive so please do not use it without permission.

For more weather information go to: National Weather Service.

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