It’s time to get sweaty as a family…
The SwampButt Underwear Guide to Planning the Family Vacation.
Planning the family summer vacation is one of the USA’s time-tested traditions. Even early settlers (like the Pilgrims) in North America would plan and budget for a break from the daily grind of grinding corn, baking corn flour, eating corn, and cleaning up after corn. While no Americans face the same oppressive despair, threat of (well, most) diseases, wild animals and unhappy neighbors the way our buckle-hatted forebears did, it is still nice to get away from it all, even if only for a few days. Here is a guide for the 21st century American family vacation plan
1. Decide on a budget. Set aside a certain amount of money just for the family vacation and use cash if possible. Equipped with a budget in advance will help vacationers track how much over their financial plan they are. “If you have kids and travel with them, there will not be a single attraction, food stand, or snake farm you can pass without stopping and buying whatever overpriced nonsense they offer,” stated travel expert and SwampButt Underwear spokesman Nick Heraldson. “If there is a way to send the kids to camp or pawn them off on their grandparents for the summer, do that.”
2. Involve everyone: All of the members of the family should have a say in the vacation destination. But, be prepared to compromise. “If everyone has a voice and you are all prepared to compromise on where you end up, it means that none of you will be satisfied with the selection and all be equally unhappy,” Heraldson stated.
3. Consider a trip to the beach. But which beach should the family consider? According to Heraldson proximity should play a role. “Real beaches are not found at lakes, rivers or ponds. You have to visit oceans like the Atlantic, Pacific or the Gulf of Mexico.” He continued, “find a map and locate the closest ocean, then drive towards it. You will know it when you see it, or possibly drive into it.”
4. What about one of America’s National Parks? The National Park Service manages 429 individual units covering more than 85 million acres in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, and US territories. And every one of them is overrun with people piloting extra-large recreational vehicles that they cannot steer, back up or park. “I admire the never give up spirit of people in their RV’s while trying to wedge them into the ‘compact car parking only’ lot. Or how unbothered they are by all the motorists behind them waiting while they try to make a left turn,” said Heraldson. “These are the real knights of the Interstate.”
5. Theme Parks. Once there was only Disneyland. Then came Disneyworld, Epcot, Universal, something called Lego Land, plus Sea World and the rest of the located nearby ‘pretenders’ that leverage proximity to the nicer destinations to their advantage. No matter which of these the family plans to visit, one, two or all of them, plan to drop some serious coin. “If you have not taken out a second mortgage yet, the family trip to Orlando is likely the tipping point,” Heraldson stated. To help pay for this vacation, Heraldson suggested taking on a second or third job. “Most employees have evenings free,” he suggested. “And what about weekends? There are forty hours between Friday afternoon and Monday morning. You could have a whole, second career in that time.”
Why Does An Underwear Company Care?
SwampButt Underwear is not just another men’s underwear company. It is underwear meant for times when the weather is hotter and the specter of a sweaty backside leaving butt-prints on public seating more embarrassing than normal. For those who sweat more than a normal person does, being in public is a challenge. “That’s why,” Heraldson concluded.
Learn More
Visit these locations online to learn more about planning family or any vacation: From NPR Nature haters take their complaints about U.S. national parks online, from Outdoor Magazine: The Worst National Park Reviews of the Year There was nothing to do, I didn’t see a bear, and that snake harassed me, and from the New York Post: Disney’s worst-rated theme parks revealed as company raises ticket prices across US locations.
About SwampButt Underwear
SwampButt Underwear is a real company though many of its ‘news’ announcements are not. Consider satire the most flattering form of flattery. We make and sell a product that helps solve a problem; the challenge of visible butt sweat. SwampButt Underwear is trademarked in the USA and foreign countries. We paid a lot for it so please do not use it without permission. To learn more visit: https://swampbutt.com.
Caption: The SwampButt Underwear Guide to Planning the Family Summer Vacation is a not so serious way to maintain perspective and a sense of humor during the summer.