The most practical tool for managing wardrobe based on weather conditions….

Record Heat Wave Arrival Coincides With SwampButt Underwear’s Scale of Sultry Introduction

 August 3, 2026 – According to SwampButt Underwear and other more reputable weather news resources, the lower 48 states are all in the middle of a heatwave as the month of July, 2026 ends. Just in time for the hottest part of the year the makers of SwampButt Underwear introduce the most useful online tool in the history of on line tools, the SwampButt Underwear Scale of Sultry.

How Sweaty Will Your Backside Be?

The web based, automated SwampButt Underwear Scale of Sultry takes the temperature, relative humidity and evaporation rates of cotton fabric and lycra/spandex fabric that SwampButt Underwear™ is made from to produce a numeric score that equals the ‘SwampButt Underwear Scale of Sultry.’

At last, someone did something other than talk about the weather,” said SwampButt Underwear corporate spokesman Nick Heraldson. “We wanted to use the technology available for monitoring local weather conditions and squeeze them through the websites’ algorithms, math, code and such, to have it tell us how sweaty our butts will be.” Noting the company’s success Heraldson declared, ‘and we did it, it works. What a time to be alive.”

Evaporation Rates

The actual ‘scale’ is how the SwampButt Underwear drying factor estimates the ease and speed that moisture can evaporate under current reported weather conditions. Warm, dry air helps moisture escape, so the drying speed goes up. Humid air is already holding a lot of moisture, so evaporation slows, and the drying pace goes down.

A lower drying factor means stickier, more sultry conditions. The drying factor measures that difference for SwampButt Underwear.  SwampButt’s Lycra Spandex material is compared with cotton underwear to show the difference between a faster-drying fabric and a slower-drying one. But wait, there’s more.

Air Drying Calculations and Your Butt

The overall ‘scale’ is a number from 1-10.  The new ‘calculator’ estimates the air’s drying potential from temperature and relative humidity, then applies a Lycra Spandex drying coefficient because SwampButt Underwear is made from these materials. Higher drying potential lowers the sultry score; lower drying potential raises it.

A lower number on the scale is a dryer and likely cooler environment and more comfortable. ‘Think about how it feels in Denver, or anywhere north of Oklahoma,’ said Heraldson. ‘A high number on the scale means extremely uncomfortable heat and humidity. Think about the hottest days experienced in places like Miami, New Orleans, Houston or Saigon. Really soupy feeling.’

The Scale of Sultry tool will change how people think about weather, sweat and underpants.

About SwampButt Underwear
SwampButt Underwear is a real company that makes underwear for men who sweat a lot from the waist down. Designed for people who sweat, move, work, travel, celebrate, dance, and occasionally attend questionable outdoor weddings. Built for comfort in hot, humid, and socially dangerous conditions, SwampButt Underwear helps protect wearers from the discomfort that polite society refuses to discuss. To buy SwampButt Underwear please visit: https://swampbutt.com/store/.