Use the Automated SwampButt Underwear Scale of Sultry to figure the amount of butt sweat to anticipate.

For your location, just enter the air temperature and relative humidity in the SwampButt Underwear data boxes, for each respective piece of information. The result is the ‘SwampButt Underwear Scale of Sultry.’

SwampButt Underwear

Scale of Sultry

Temperature

F C

Relative humidity

%

Drying factor comparison

SwampButt Lycra Spandex 0.28

Cotton underwear 0.17

9.7 /10

Extremely sultry

Peak sticky conditions: high apparent heat, heavy humidity, and limited drying relief.

The SwampButt Underwear Scale of Sultry is a measurement of external conditions translated into a single number. As it relates to personal comfort of ones underwear there are two types of information connected to two types of comfort. The drying factor compares the rates of evaporation for cotton underwear and SwampButt Underwear which is made from a combination of lycra and spandex and is a normalized drying factor from 0 to 1.Lower means slower drying and stickier conditions. Higher means more rapid drying and comfort. For example, if the external temperature is 103 and the relative humidity 52, the ‘scale’ number is over 8, which is pretty sticky. The evaporation rate of the Lycra/Spandex in SwampButt Underwear is double that of traditional cotton underwear.

The new ‘calculator’ estimates the air’s drying potential from temperature and relative humidity, then applies a Lycra Spandex drying coefficient because SwampButt Underwear is made from these materials. Higher drying potential lowers the sultry score; lower drying potential raises it. The overall ‘scale’ is a number from 1-10. A lower number on the scale is a dryer and likely cooler environment and more comfortable . ‘Think about how it feels in Denver, or anywhere north of Oklahoma,’ said SwampButt Underwear spokesman and world class whiner, Nick Heraldson. ‘A high number on the scale means extremely uncomfortable heat and humidity. Think about the hottest days experienced in places like Miami, New Orleans, Houston or Saigon. Really soupy feeling.’

What Does the SwampButt Underwear Scale of Sultry Measure

The other factor is how the SwampButt Underwear drying factor estimates the ease and speed that moisture can evaporate from SwampButt Underwear under current conditions. Warm, dry air helps moisture escape, so the drying speed goes up. Humid air is already holding a lot of moisture, so evaporation slows and the drying pace goes down. A lower drying factor means stickier, more sultry conditions. Think of the air as deciding how much sweat it is willing to take. Hot, dry air says, “Sure, I’ve got room.” Hot, humid air says, “No thanks, I’m full.” The drying factor measures that difference for SwampButt Underwear.

SwampButt’s Lycra Spandex material is compared with cotton underwear to show the difference between a faster-drying fabric and a slower-drying one. A lower drying factor means stickier, more sultry conditions. But wait, there’s more.

There is also a comparison of evaporation with traditional cotton underwear. The second number is a piece of data that will help ground and add both meaning and context to the SwampButt Underwear Scale of Sultry. ‘It may be nice to know the number from the scale but knowing what life would be like when compared to the traditional cotton underwear helps make the point more meaningful,’ Harrison said.

SwampButt Scale of Sultry Origin

The ‘Scale of Sultry’ was originally designed to inform local fans what to expect at their respective stadiums in terms of heat and humidity. A numeric scale of 1 (not sultry at all) to 10 (unbearably sultry like Singapore or Clute, TX) takes game time temperature, humidity, wind direction, wind speed, cloud cover, and precipitation and assigns a single number. The premise is that schools in places where the weather is hottest and most humid are better conditioned than those in more moderate climates. Here are the outcomes for this week’s picks

Building an automated online web based tool was an idea SwampButt Underwear owner and inventor Harold Nicoll began to work on in the fall of 2024 as a way to predict the clothing fans should wear to their game and advanced in 2025 to predict the outcome of college football games. ‘My theory was that the schools located in hotter and more humid environments were better conditioned than those from more comfortable climates,’ said Harold Nicoll, owner and inventor of SwampButt Underwear. ‘The earlier in the season the more contrast of geographic locations existed for each respective school.

But as conference schedules were played, the contrast was not as great.’ Nicoll’s early work in this space did demonstrate there was a difference in conditioning for the hotter and more humid locations. It did not take into consideration talent levels, coaching, strength and conditioning and nutrition, but that was part of the design of the study. Climate conditions was the only variable measured against the odds and the respective team performance(s).

Based on heat and humidity at the local level, this iteration of the Scale of Sultry is an automated way to put a numeric value on the lack of comfort and chances of a wet backside in a single web based tool.