SwampButt Underwear Scale of Sultry 2.0.

Now accounting for temperature, relative humidity, fabric drying performance and heat absorbed from direct sunlight.

The upgraded calculator measures something conventional temperature readings leave in the shade.

Take the SwampButt Underwear Scale of Sultry with you everywhere. Open the calculator page and follow the instructions beneath the calculator to add it to your phone’s Home Screen.

LAKE JACKSON, Texas, Aug. 3, 2026 — Just in time for the dog days of summer, and in the middle of another round of severe weather brought on by a ‘heat dome’, SwampButt Underwear has upgraded its online Scale of Sultry to account for something the original calculator did not: the additional heat created by exposure to sunlight.

The SwampButt Underwear Scale of Sultry 2.0 combines temperature, relative humidity, atmospheric drying conditions and sun exposure to predict the likelihood of visible butt sweat and hot, sticky underwear conditions. Put more simply, it estimates just how swampy things are likely to get in the inside a butt crack down to the overheated bog that rides just south of the belt line.

The original Scale of Sultry compared the drying performance of the Lycra-spandex fabric used in SwampButt Underwear with that of traditional cotton underwear. Version 2.0 adds the heat burden created by direct sunlight and adjusts the calculation for conditions ranging from full, intense sun to partial cloud cover, full shade and nighttime.

The result is a single number from 1 to 10 representing the likelihood of hot, sticky and uncomfortable underwear conditions — commonly known as swamp ass or swamp butt.

A score of 1 indicates relatively comfortable conditions. A 10 is about as bad as it gets — think the Amazon River Basin, Singapore in the summer or Clute, Texas, on an August afternoon.

The SwampButt Underwear Scale of Sultry 2.0 estimates atmospheric drying conditions, compares the drying performance of SwampButt Underwear Lycra/Spandex with traditional cotton underwear, and accounts for the additional heat burden created by direct, indirect or cloud covered sunlight. The result is a single number from 1 to 10 representing the likelihood of hot, sticky and uncomfortable underwear conditions.

The SwampButt Underwear Scale of Sultry is a measurement of external conditions translated into a single number. As it relates to personal comfort of ones underwear there are two types of information connected to two types of comfort. The drying factor compares the rates of evaporation for cotton underwear and SwampButt Underwear which is made from a combination of lycra and spandex and is a normalized drying factor from 0 to 1.Lower means slower drying and stickier conditions. Higher means more rapid drying and comfort. For example, if the external temperature is 103 and the relative humidity 52, the ‘scale’ number is over 8, which is pretty sticky. The evaporation rate of the Lycra/Spandex in SwampButt Underwear is double that of traditional cotton underwear.

The new ‘calculator’ estimates the air’s drying potential from the solar exposure, temperature and relative humidity, then applies a Lycra Spandex drying coefficient because SwampButt Underwear is made from these materials. Higher drying potential lowers the sultry score; lower drying potential raises it. The overall ‘scale’ is a number from 1-10. A lower number on the scale is a dryer and likely cooler environment and more comfortable . ‘Think about how it feels in on a sunny day in Denver, or anywhere north of Oklahoma,’ said SwampButt Underwear spokesman and world class whiner, Nick Heraldson. ‘A high number on the scale means extremely uncomfortable heat and humidity. Think about the hottest days experienced in places like Miami, New Orleans, Houston or Saigon. Really soupy feeling.’

What Does the SwampButt Underwear Scale of Sultry Measure

SwampButt Underwear Scale of Sultry comparison of traditional cotton underwear comfort and SwampButt Underwear.

The other factor is how the SwampButt Underwear drying factor estimates the ease and speed that moisture can evaporate from SwampButt Underwear under current conditions. Warm, dry air helps moisture escape, so the drying speed goes up. Humid air is already holding a lot of moisture, so evaporation slows and the drying pace goes down. A lower drying factor means stickier, more sultry conditions. Think of the air as deciding how much sweat it is willing to take. Hot, dry air says, “Sure, I’ve got room.” Hot, humid air says, “No thanks, I’m full.” The drying factor measures that difference for SwampButt Underwear.

SwampButt’s Lycra Spandex material is compared with cotton underwear to show the difference between a faster-drying fabric and a slower-drying one. A lower drying factor means stickier, more sultry conditions. But wait, there’s more.

There is also a comparison of evaporation with traditional cotton underwear. The second number is a piece of data that will help ground and add both meaning and context to the SwampButt Underwear Scale of Sultry. ‘It may be nice to know the number from the scale but knowing what life would be like when compared to the traditional cotton underwear helps make the point more meaningful,’ Harrison said.

SwampButt Scale of Sultry Origin

The ‘Scale of Sultry’ was originally designed to inform local fans what to expect at their respective stadiums in terms of heat and humidity. A numeric scale of 1 (not sultry at all) to 10 (unbearably sultry like Singapore or Clute, TX) takes game time temperature, humidity, wind direction, wind speed, cloud cover, and precipitation and assigns a single number. The premise is that schools in places where the weather is hottest and most humid are better conditioned than those in more moderate climates. Here are the outcomes for this week’s picks

Building an automated online web based tool was an idea SwampButt Underwear owner and inventor Harold Nicoll began to work on in the fall of 2024 as a way to predict the clothing fans should wear to their game and advanced in 2025 to predict the outcome of college football games. ‘My theory was that the schools located in hotter and more humid environments were better conditioned than those from more comfortable climates,’ said Harold Nicoll, owner and inventor of SwampButt Underwear. ‘The earlier in the season the more contrast of geographic locations existed for each respective school.

But as conference schedules were played, the contrast was not as great.’ Nicoll’s early work in this space did demonstrate there was a difference in conditioning for the hotter and more humid locations. It did not take into consideration talent levels, coaching, strength and conditioning and nutrition, but that was part of the design of the study. Climate conditions was the only variable measured against the odds and the respective team performance(s).

Based on heat and humidity at the local level, this iteration of the Scale of Sultry is an automated way to put a numeric value on the lack of comfort and chances of a wet backside in a single web based tool.