This is the first of a series of articles about the greatest seated population in history. Americans of all backgrounds, races, ages, education, religion, or political belief are united in one thing, being seated.
Please Stay Seated
SwampButt Underwear has an interest in the backsides of half the population, men’s. The rigors and stress that all those who are seated endure are noteworthy. Why? Because the state of the seated cheeks and cracks affects the economy, world trade, gravity and even how the earth is positioned on its axis. So, pull up a chair and keep reading.
The Men’s 2025 Final Four Delivers Excitement for Seated Fans
The nature of life in the 21st century is sedentary, still, without motion. Bodies at rest tend to stay at rest. That tendency is the absolute norm. In places where there were once no seats, chairs are installed. Streets, train stations and airports, and even archeological sites are areas that were previously undeveloped or used for specific purposes have been repurposed into spaces with benches and areas for sitting. Name things that require one to stand? Maybe waiting in line? A standing ovation? A police line-up?
Where the Seats and Seated Fans Are?
The place where people sit in the largest numbers are sporting events. Venues that accommodate 60,000 to over 100,000 places for backsides to land are common in American cities. Lately the largest event to attract six figures of people who want to be seated was the NCAA Men’s Basketball 2025 National Semi Finals, also known as the ‘Final Four.’
The Alamodome in San Antonio, Texas welcomed 149,143 people for three, separate games. This included both the semifinals and the championship game. Add to that the Final Four weekend averaged 16.4 million viewers on television, a 21% increase year-over-year. That is a lot of cushion time. “People will say to me all the time, ‘c’mon Howard, what’s the big deal about the potential hazards of being seated that long,” said SwampButt Underwear owner Harold (often called Howard) Nicoll. “As someone who is in the ‘dry butt business’ I am attentive to every man’s rear end.” Nicoll then went on, “wait, that came out wrong.”
What Goes Wrong When We All Take A Seat At The Final Four?
What could go wrong? Plenty. When it comes to attending sporting events like the NCAA Men’s Basketball Semi Finals and Finals at venues like the Alamodome, there are several considerations and potential hazards related to prolonged seating:
1. Physical Discomfort: Sitting for extended periods can lead to discomfort or pain in the back, hips, and legs. If the seats are not ergonomically designed or are overly cramped, this discomfort can be exacerbated. “I guarantee these seats were not ergonomically designed but there was plenty of overly cramped discomfort,” Nicoll stated.
2. Circulation Issues: Remaining seated for long durations can lead to poor circulation, particularly in the legs. This increases the risk of conditions such as deep vein thrombosis (DVT), especially for individuals who may already be prone to circulation problems. “As one who has circulation issues, and longer than average legs, being folded into that threadbare, rusty, way past its prime seat was a lot like what medieval torturers must have used to compel confessions,” Nicoll speculated.
3. Hydration and Nutrition: Attending a lengthy event often leads individuals to neglect hydration and proper nutrition. It’s important to stay hydrated, especially in crowded venues where temperatures can rise. Dehydration can lead to headaches and fatigue. “The word nutrition was never uttered by any ballpark venue food vendor and hydration means $24.00 beer or $12.00 bottles of water,” Nicoll reported. “I’d have thought that at those prices there would have been fewer drunks, but there you go.”
4. Bathroom Breaks: Large events may have long lines for restrooms, which can discourage attendees from taking necessary breaks. This can further exacerbate any physical discomfort from prolonged sitting. “The Alamodome was one of very few stadiums where the men’s room had a line,” Nicoll observed. “So, there was no ‘frequency’ to bathroom breaks. We were more concerned about the ‘possibility’ of making it to the men’s room given how long the wait in line was. But, we were standing up,” Nicoll said.
5. Awareness of Surroundings: In a crowded venue, being seated for long periods can make individuals less aware of their surroundings. This could be related to emergency situations, where quick movement may be required. “No, no quick movement in any direction was possible inside the Alamodome,” Nicoll observed. “Had there been an emergency or need to get out of the building quickly, there would have been a 100% tragedy.”
7. Post-Event Recovery: After a long event, attendees may experience stiffness or soreness. Encouraging stretching or brief mobility breaks can help alleviate this. “It’s been several days and I am still recovering from the ‘experience’ of the Alamodome,” Nicoll said.
8. Footwear and Clothing Choices: Wearing comfortable clothing and shoes can greatly impact how individuals feel during and after the event. Tight clothing or shoes can contribute to discomfort and possible circulation issues. “How my clothes fit or did not fit was the last thing on my mind inside that cavernous looking blimp base of a stadium,” Nicoll blurted.
Takeaways And Lessons For The Future
Sitting through the two semifinal games and the national finals was a challenge, according to Nicoll who attended the event. “The Alamodome is the worst place to watch a sporting event of any type, regardless,” he declared. “Site lines are absurd as the view is obstructed by the overhang of the seats above you. The players and action on the floor were very hard to follow because of the distance from the stands to the floor,” he said. “The big screen scoreboard was not visible to many thousands of fans as the overhangs of stands blocked the view.
That was only one of the problems with the Alamodome, there were lots more.” Add to the blocked views, the Alamodome seats were not very wide and the space between rows negligible. The air conditioning does not deliver, even in the cool of early April. “If any building needs demolition, it’s the Alamodome.”
Encouraging fans to take breaks, when possible, stretch, stay hydrated, and wear comfortable attire can enhance their experience at events like the NCAA Semi Finals and Finals while addressing some of the hazards associated with extended seating. But more to the point for the future, the NCAA should rethink ever returning to the Alamodome for anything as the building is over 30 years old, has not been properly maintained or updated, is poorly designed and just plain ugly. “Not just ugly, it’s ‘fugly’ Nicoll concluded.
For more information about the hazards of too much sitting visit:https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/expert-answers/sitting/faq-20058005″” rel=”noopener” target=”_blank”> or, https://www.yalemedicine.org/news/sitting-health-risks.
About SwampButt Underwear
SwampButt Underwear is a real company, committed to men’s underwear that prioritizes comfort and dryness without compromising style. With innovative fabric technology, the company aims to keep sweaty men cool, dry, and confident in every situation. For more information, visit https://swampbutt.com. SwampButt Underwear is Trademarked in the United States and foreign countries. We paid a lot for it, so please do not use it without permission.