Menu
In case summer was somehow interrupted by a heat wave, heat rash, hurricane, or some other natural mishap, there is a chance to salvage a bit of it this weekend. Labor Day is considered the last holiday of summer and the unofficial start of fall. But it is not fall. It is still summer. And summer means that the heat and sweat will be exacerbated by a crush of travelers who are not you. All of us have the chance to be Sweating Out Summer’s Last Hurrah Labor Day 2024.
Americans get an extra day added to the weekend for the last picnic, fishing excursion, boat ride, water skiing, camping, golf, tennis, pickle ball, horseshoes, or barbecue outing. It is also ‘Week One’ for college football. Labor Day also allows for one last overnight trip before the crush of school, leaf-raking, and pumpkin spices strewn across the fruited plain. Ennjoy it while you can.
All Sweaty If It Seems More Crowded
Domestic travel during the Labor Day weekend will likely increase by 9% as opposed to last year, whether it’s by car or flying, according to a study by AAA. “This means an increase in people not paying attention to when the light changes at a traffic stop, stopping behind where your car is, driving slowly and only increasing speed when you are trying to pass,” according to SwampButt Underwear pop-culture expert and all-around crank, Nick Heraldson. “I bet there are an additional nine percent of people at the airports dressed in pajamas and sleeping underneath the seats,” he predicted. “Add to the sweaty feet attached to sweaty people and their sandals, you are looking at an all-out assault on the senses.” He went on, “those people underneath the seats are often wearing masks. Probably because it is the filthiest most germ-infested place on planet earth.”
Air Travel Labor Day
Trips via airline is challenging on a good day. Alas, air travel set records this summer and the same will be true Labor Day. Over 17 million passengers are expected to hit the skies for the long weekend, which TSA is counting as Thursday, Aug. 29 through Wednesday, Sept. 4. TSA predicts 8.5% more Americans taking to the skies during that time. Yes, that TSA.
The same crack government officials who pat down three-year-olds, sniff your cologne, insist that the artificial leg a passenger has is fake and make the owner to take it off and walk through the X-Ray scanner. That TSA. “Nothing will put the cherry on the sundae of your day like an overly enthusiastic TSA agent,” Heraldson reflected. “Everything this person encounters is a potential crisis, everyone a suspected foreign hostile actor. Like they are on an episode of ’24.’There is at least one TSA agent like this at every airport in the country. So being a socially awkward, paranoid loner must be part of the recruiting.”
The Best Times to Travel
No matter the mode of transport be it automobile, passenger train, airline, or fishing boat, it is important to leave early. How early? “No matter how early you think you need to leave it is not early enough,” Heraldson advised. “Get to the airport an hour early? You can’t even find a parking place in an hour, never mind carry all your luggage from ‘parking lot zz’ which is located over the horizon.” To combat all the challenges associated with holiday weekend travel Heraldson advises, “just stay home. You will end up there again anyway.”
To combat the heat and visible butt sweat this Labor Day or any day, wear SwampButt Underwear™. SwampButt Underwear will wick and help evaporate sweat away from skin to evaporate more quickly than with any other more traditional men’s underwear.
About SwampButt Underwear
SwampButt Underwear is a real company though many of its ‘news’ announcements are not. Consider satire the most flattering form of flattery. We make and sell a product that helps solve a problem; the challenge of visible butt sweat. SwampButt Underwear is trademarked in the USA and foreign countries. We paid a lot for it so please do not use it without permission. To learn more visit: https://swampbutt.com.
CAPTION: Whether summer was wonderful or hindered by cleanup from Hurricane Beryl, Labor Day gives Americans a long weekend to cram three months’ worth of activity into three days. Sw