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September 14, 2024 – Sometimes it’s not the heat, it’s the humidity and sometimes it’s both. Given that so many college football games last well over four and even five hours, fans in the stands can be next level uncomfortable. With time outs for measurements, beer commercials, car ads and lengthy play reviews, many of America’s college football fans leave their respective games a big sweaty mess. “Some stadiums are positioned so that no breeze can circulate inside, ever,” said SwampButt Underwear’s corporate spokesman Nick Heraldson. “The players have big fans, ice, towels and Gatorade so they do fine regardless. The fans on the other hand are all dehydrated with their thighs stuck to the bleachers.”
Swampiest Game Sites for Week Three
1. Florida vs. Texas A&M Gainesville, Florida. Predicted temperature 86 degrees with heat index of 98 degrees and a chance of rain. It does not seem to matter where they play, who the coach is, or what the weather conditions are, A&M underachieves. Witness a home loss to Notre Dame who dropped their next game to some directional Illinois school. Talk about embarrassing. Ironically, Texas A&M’s starting running back last name is ‘Moss.’ Perfect.
2.Rice vs. Houston John O Quin Field Houston, Texas. The high temperature in Houston Saturday is predicted at 97 degrees. But by game time at 7:00 p.m. it’s expected to cool down to a breezy 90 degrees. Knowing that the rivalry between these schools is ending, should bring more interest and fans to the game, but probably won’t. Houston is 0-2, losing by three touchdowns to surprising UNLV and dropping a close one at Norman, Oklahoma to the Sooners. “Houston fans are prima-donnas and will only turn up for the Cougars when they are winning championships, which is at a once-a-decade level of occurrence,” Heraldson said. “And no one gives a shit about Rice.”
3. Tulane vs. Oklahoma Gaylord Family Stadium Norman Oklahoma. It will be 87 degrees at game time. “Heat and humidity will not affect the players from Tulane as there is nowhere with more heat and humidity than New Orleans.,” Heraldson declared. “But Oklahoma is still going to win, regardless. And who is Gaylord Family?”
4. Ball State vs. Miami Hard Rock Stadium Miami, Florida where it will be 89 degrees and raining. “The players from Indiana and places north will melt in a climate that is more like Singapore than Muncie,” Heraldson speculated. “Miami will win by at least three touchdowns.”
About SwampButt Underwear
First of all, we love college football. Now the business stuff. SwampButt Underwear is a real company though many of its ‘news’ announcements are not. Consider satire the most flattering form of flattery. We make and sell a product that helps solve a problem; the challenge of visible butt sweat. SwampButt Underwear is trademarked in the USA and foreign countries. We paid a lot for it so please do not use it without permission. To learn more visit: https://swampbutt.com.
More About Sweat
The truth is that excessive sweating, from the butt or other body parts, can cause enough distress that people withdraw from any activity that might expose them and their sweaty parts to any level of public scrutiny.
Think this kind of thing was over in junior high school? Think again. It does not take much for the ‘herd’ to spot a potential weakness and exploit it. Sweat stains can be the invitation to not getting invited anywhere.
People who sweat more than others report feelings of social isolation and withdrawal to avoid touching others. Those ‘others’ are also thought to avoid men who are moist beyond reason. What do people think when encountering someone who is REALLY sweaty? We are not mind readers, so we researched the question.
Sweat and the amounts one experiences it relate to social anxiety and conditions that accompany it. The more a man sweats, the impact on quality of life becomes much more substantial. Excess sweating can have a huge impact on quality of life, affecting career choices and in some instances lead to social isolation. Some change their clothes several times a day.
Men who sweat more than others often have apprehension in work situations like job interviews or meetings where they might be expected to shake hands or will leave a sweaty butt print on an office chair. Social lives suffer when men feel embarrassed by their sweating.
Some avoid romantic relationships because they are sweaty. Men will avoid situations where a woman is likely to reject them for any reason. Presented as a big sweaty mess does little to reinforce self-confidence. Not taking chances in public is way easier than gambling on potential humiliation. Staying in and away from others is way easier.