SwampButt Underwear Introduces Online Calculator to Measure Weather and How Wet or Dry Ones Underwear Is. This is the first and only tool of its kind anywhere to assign a numeric rating to both comfort and underwear drying.

Online Calculator ‘Scale of Sultry’ Translates Temperature, Humidity and Fabric-Drying Potential into a Single Comfort Rating from 1 to 10.

LAKE JACKSON, Texas, (July 27 2026) —SwampButt Underwear can do more than just talk about the weather. The geniuses at SwampButt Underwear used math, weather reports/data and the evaporative qualities of cotton fabric and Lycra/Spandex to assign values to how hot and humid it is and how that relates to how sweaty a butt is due to evaporation levels of cotton fabric or Lycra/spandex. This is just in time for the latest round of extreme heat warnings in the southeast.

Temperature alone does not determine whether the weather feels comfortable—or whether someone’s underwear is likely to remain dry on account of the weather.  SwampButt Underwear introduced an online version of its “Scale of Sultry,” a calculator that translates temperature, relative humidity and estimated fabric-drying conditions into a single rating from 1 to 10. This is the first and only tool of its kind anywhere to assign a numeric rating to both comfort and drying.

A Scale of Sultry rating of 1 represents relatively dry and comfortable conditions. A rating approaching 10 indicates extremely sultry conditions in which heat, humidity and slow evaporation combine to create an uncomfortably damp environment and really sweaty ass.

“The temperature tells only part of the story,” said Harold Nicoll, owner and inventor of SwampButt Underwear and the ‘scale.’ “The Scale of Sultry helps explain why the same temperature can feel tolerable in one place and like walking through soup in another. And most importantly why that ass is all wet.”

For example, when the temperature reaches 103 degrees Fahrenheit with relative humidity of 52 percent, the Scale of Sultry produces a rating above 8—indicating exceptionally hot, humid and sticky  ‘gonna leave a wet butt print conditions.’

“Think about the difference between Denver and Houston on a summer day,” said SwampButt Underwear spokesman and self-described world-class whiner Nick Heraldson. “Warm, dry air may be uncomfortable, but humid air adds an entirely different dimension. When the scale gets close to 10, think Miami, New Orleans, Houston, Singapore or Saigon. It is a really soupy feeling. Like, yuck.”

Measuring the Air’s Ability to Accept Moisture

The calculator first estimates the surrounding air’s drying potential using temperature and relative humidity. It then applies a drying coefficient for the performance material used in SwampButt Underwear.

Warm, relatively dry air can accept more moisture, allowing perspiration to evaporate more rapidly. Humid air already contains substantial moisture, slowing evaporation and causing fabric to remain damp longer.

“Think of the air as deciding how much additional moisture it is willing to accept,” Nicoll said. “Hot, dry air says, ‘Sure, I’ve got room.’ Hot, humid air says, ‘No thanks, I’m full.’ The drying factor puts a number on that difference.”

The calculator expresses this relationship through a normalized drying factor ranging from 0 to 1. A lower drying factor represents slower evaporation and stickier conditions. A higher drying factor indicates faster evaporation and a greater likelihood of remaining dry and comfortable.

Higher drying potential lowers the overall Scale of Sultry rating, while lower drying potential raises it.

Comparing SwampButt Underwear With Cotton

The online tool also compares the estimated evaporation performance of SwampButt Underwear with that of traditional cotton underwear. Under the same environmental conditions, the calculator estimates that the Lycra/spandex-based performance fabric used in SwampButt Underwear dries at approximately twice the rate of traditional cotton.

Cotton readily absorbs moisture but can hold it against the skin as drying conditions deteriorate. SwampButt Underwear is designed to move moisture away from the body and allow it to evaporate more quickly.

“The number on the Scale of Sultry tells people what the weather is likely to feel like,” Nicoll said. “The fabric comparison gives that number practical meaning. It shows the difference between wearing a slower-drying material and underwear specifically designed to manage moisture.”

The calculator therefore provides two related forms of information:

• An overall Scale of Sultry rating from 1 to 10, representing the expected severity of hot, humid and slow-drying conditions.
• A fabric-drying comparison showing the estimated evaporation performance of SwampButt Underwear and traditional cotton underwear under those conditions.

Together, the measurements help users understand both the external environment and the effect that environment may have on personal comfort.

From College Football to Everyday Comfort

Nicoll began developing the Scale of Sultry concept in fall 2024. Its original purpose was to help college football fans anticipate the heat and humidity they might encounter at a stadium and select appropriate clothing for the game.

The original model considered game-time temperature, humidity, wind direction, wind speed, cloud cover and precipitation. Those conditions were converted into a rating ranging from 1, or not sultry, to 10, representing nearly unbearable heat and humidity.

The project expanded in 2025 to test a theory about whether college football teams based in hotter and more humid climates might be better acclimated to oppressive early-season weather than teams from more moderate regions.

“My theory was that schools located in hotter and more humid environments would be better conditioned for those environments,” Nicoll said. “The greatest contrast tended to occur early in the season, when teams from very different geographic regions played one another. Once conference play began, the differences were often less pronounced.”

The experimental model deliberately isolated climate conditions. It did not attempt to account for differences in talent, coaching, strength and conditioning, nutrition or other variables that influence the outcome of a football game.

Although the football application suggested that climate acclimation could contribute to performance, the new consumer calculator has a more immediate purpose: estimating the likelihood that the day’s weather will produce uncomfortable, slow-drying clothing conditions.

“This version brings the idea down to a very personal level,” Nicoll said. “It puts a number on how uncomfortable the weather is likely to feel—and on the chances of ending the day with a wet backside.”

The SwampButt Underwear Scale of Sultry calculator is available at https://swampbutt.com/swampbutt-underwear-scale-of-sultry/.

About SwampButt Underwear

SwampButt Underwear produces moisture-managing men’s underwear designed for hot, humid and physically demanding conditions. Created in Lake Jackson, Texas, the underwear is intended to move moisture away from the body and dry more rapidly than traditional cotton underwear. More information is available at SwampButt.com.

One technical point should be confirmed before release: Lycra is a brand name for spandex/elastane, rather than a separate fiber. The precise fabric composition and the basis for the “twice the evaporation rate” claim should be documented or described as a calculator estimate, as I have done here.